Tiger Mama

This is my line.

Etched in Diamond. 

Not made of inconsistent sand. 

Pure and crystal clear, it is immovable. 

Did you really think that you would get your way?

Did you honestly think you could insist and and I would give in,

threaten and I would cower, push until I bent?

I have done all the bending I will do for you.

Who are you to come sneaking in?

Setting an ambush while I'm at work and trying to steal what is most precious to me.

I will put up with your bully tactics no longer. 

You are no longer a part of my world or my life. 

How dare you try to force your will upon me.

I gave up everything. 

I walked away from everything. 

For peace of mind, sense of self, happiness and sanity. 

I have had to rebuild from the ground up. 

And you, sitting just as you were before, you can't be content with that. 

No you must chip and pick and injure waiting for me to be broken. 

I WILL NOT be broken!

You are a thief and a liar, selfish and cruel. 

This is your warning.

You can try all you like to cut me down. 

It will not matter. 

I will ALWAYS stand up. 

You may begin this war, but by god I will finish it!

This is my line.

Etched in Diamond. 

Not made of inconsistent sand.

Pure and crystal clear, it is immovable.  

Test it if you dare.

Today was a very difficult day.
A hurried morning, followed by a really busy day at work.
I really hate our instant gratification society and how impolite and rude people can be.
I really like my job, and the people that I work with.
I'm glad that people are becoming involved and proactive in caring for themselves.
However, the expectations and the return response time that is expected now is unrealistic.
There is only so much that we can do.
The medical profession is too far understaffed and it is greatly in need.
Our clinic is currently down doctors and nurses and it seems that we are always short staffed for some reason or another and the work load that is expected of us and that grows with each day is daunting.
There isn't enough time in the day.
It makes you feel frazzled, like a um.... frazzled thing is.



I came home to cranky babies in need of cuddling and so sat on the floor for 15 min just holding each kid for 5 minutes each.
I set up dinner. we ate and had a treat, then I took 15 min and let the kids listen to songs.
I changed the boys, had them all brush teeth, read stories, said prayers, sang songs, tucked them in and now I'm sitting at the glowing screen and thinking how I wish I could just go and curl up with them just so I have more time with them.
But I know that if I do they will stay awake longer and be even crankier tomorrow.Ii miss my babies. I miss watching them grow.
I work all week and never see them but a scant few hours a week then their dad takes them all weekend.
I never see them and they never see me. Some days it gets so overwhelming I just want to curl up and cry.
 I have to say that if I go back to school once the boys are in school then I will most likely be going for something that isn't in the medical profession, it's too demanding.

 

Today went too quickly. I blame the time warp on work. with teaming for a Doctor and two in baskets due to another nurse calling in the day just flew. Then just before the end of the day was a mock code. and the discussion after. 

A mock code is when we have someone come in and pretend to be in an emergency so that we can practice our "hey don't die on us" skills. It's a really good refresher and I feel like I learned stuff. The guy who does it is awesome. He's been a paramedic for the past 25 years and he offered that if we ever wanted we could ride in the ambulance with him. I'm so tempted because I think it would be a really eye opening amazing experience. 

I then drove half an hour out of my way to the lawyers to talk to them only to have them not finished with my paperwork and not in for me to ask questions. 

My job is great. But sometimes it really blows working the same business hours as everyone else and only having a half day to get it all done. 

I came home, changed clothing, ate lunch and caught up on what the boys had been doing, then packed us all into the car and went to get my little miss. my little moody sassy miss. my argumentative fanny fandango of a miss. I let the boys out to play on the playground there and while waiting for school to let out A came by to get her kiddo. I wished her a hap-hap-happy birthday again. (I had already called her at like seven thirty in the AM to do that). She gave me pictures from Nan's Wedding and my girl is beyond beautiful. 

There were tons of pictures of her and everyone of them model lovely. I could see just how she's going to look in ten years or so. I'm going to need a shot gun, a large large shot gun. with a saber on the end. 

My lovely Peanut came shooting out the door thereafter and played on the playground for a bit with her brothers.

We finally left and headed to the bank, and from there I was suckered by kids to go to the store, where I got the necessities in life: paper towels, pasta sauce, ice cream, pringles, and dollar toys. (Totally forgetting of course the one thing I really was in need of... cereal (thank you Fifi) (see earlier posts)).

Home again home again to make tacos for dinner while miss sass butt did her homework (seriously she has 7 days left, she's in second grade, homework is lame). The kids were bathed and brushed and ready for bed at 7 pm. totally rare these days. However, it took til 8 pm to have them settled, with stories, prayers and songs, and they are STILL UP. They can be such butts. But I can't help but love them. 

And that was my day. my wicked fast, where the hell did it go day. 

I'm going to try to go and relax with a shower, maybe some yoga, and a good movie. 

oh side note from yesterday. Took the kids swimming out at the pool in the afternoon. It was tons of fun. It took forever to get Nugget to want to come in but once he was in he had a good time. However I think his new nick-name should be koala. Bitty-bot had the best time once he got over the first coldness of the water, then I couldn't stop him from throwing things in, sunglasses, shoes, leaves you name it. I'm just glad the keys were hidden and the phone was upstairs. My girl was totally jealous of the "attention" I was giving the boys, but there wasn't much I could do about that. She's been getting that way increasingly and it's getting tiring. I shouldn't say that but it's frustrating always having her whine at me when right now she gets more of my time than the boys do at all. Sometimes this parenting thing is exhausting. 

 

Two Tales

1. Yesterday my daughter decided to get me breakfast. She's a sweet girl. However, what she chose to get was a little more than she could handle. She got us cereal, O.K. so far so good, then she decided to get us a fruit, really proud of thinking of the food groups, it was applesauce, still good. She got us milk in cups and even remembered to give me soy milk, best girl ever. She then added milk to our bowls, and all would have been well in the world except for 2 things, one: she used a quart of milk in just our bowls. (I'm not guessing, we had a full quart, then it was empty), Two: she did all this before asking me and before I got up, so that by the time I got up my cereal was complete and total mush. Mmmmm Honey bunches of mush. I tried to be a good mommy and I figured hey what is cereal except oats and wheat, I eat oatmeal all the time, I bet I could get this down if I just warm it up.... so that's what I did. I think I managed to choke down about 6 small bites before tossing it out when she wasn't looking. She tried really hard and I praised her for her efforts. But I requested that the next time she gets us breakfast she get us something like muffins, or granola bars, or something like that. So here's crossing my fingers. :) got to love that Peanut. 

2. Today I have been attempting to clean my house. I hope to be moving soon and I want to weed out what is garbage or isn't needed ahead of time. I figured hey no problem. I do this cleaning thing all the time. I'm on it. However, I did not count on my babes ability to co-op my time. So far, I've told stories, listened to music, danced with the baby, played with play-doh, looked at photos, painted, washed paint off clothes, and read nap time stories while snuggling. I did start in the kitchen... and I'm about half way done with it. LOL what's even worse is it's about the size of a postage stamp. Oh well we've had a fun day and I hope that it stays that way. Right now I'm calling it a win. Cleaning can happen anytime, time with the kids, right now, this day, that only happens once. :)  I love them so.

A New Start

I'm going to attempt to begin posting on my blog again.

It's been a very long while. True to life much has changed.

I do not plan to post about it all.

It's enough to say that I have been making many changes to my life, which in the long run I hope will be for the better.

And while sometimes it feels like the world and some of the people in it are determined to slap me down again and again, I'm continually moving forward.

I do this in the hopes that one day my efforts will pay off and my many small steps will lead to the goals I have for my children and me, and that all the costs (money-wise and other) will be worth it.

"Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it.... yet." :) (Thank you Anne).

Today I awoke with the dawn yet again. It is good to see the sun rise. It reminds me that there is always a new day to start again.

quick update.

laundry is in the dryer. word count is 18217. this kid is due in 3 and a half weeks. where did all my time go... *falls asleep on desk*

So tired.

As mentioned before, my kids are sick this week. As am I. My husband doesn't seem to be yet. But due to work he's either sleeping or AT work, so isn't of much help in this instance anyway. And I'm getting worn. I felt so bad when I sent my sick and tired girl right back up after she came down the stairs complaining yet again about something not being perfect for her bedtime (it was the blankets this time around). I'm just to pregnant, overworked, ill and tired to go up and down the stairs over and over. Part of me says "Hey suck it up! She's sick and needs her Mommy." and another part (the one that won tonight) says "She's six dude, she can straighten her own blankets, and you've already tucked her in, twice." Sometimes I really would like to be Wonder Woman...but I've had to let that go. Don't think I could stay sane if I didn't.(I may still try to get a pair of her very awesome, fashionable and functional indestructible bracelets tho.)

In NaNo news. I'm at 13,741 words. As my beloved Muppets say "moving right along." :)