Tiger Mama

This is my line.

Etched in Diamond. 

Not made of inconsistent sand. 

Pure and crystal clear, it is immovable. 

Did you really think that you would get your way?

Did you honestly think you could insist and and I would give in,

threaten and I would cower, push until I bent?

I have done all the bending I will do for you.

Who are you to come sneaking in?

Setting an ambush while I'm at work and trying to steal what is most precious to me.

I will put up with your bully tactics no longer. 

You are no longer a part of my world or my life. 

How dare you try to force your will upon me.

I gave up everything. 

I walked away from everything. 

For peace of mind, sense of self, happiness and sanity. 

I have had to rebuild from the ground up. 

And you, sitting just as you were before, you can't be content with that. 

No you must chip and pick and injure waiting for me to be broken. 

I WILL NOT be broken!

You are a thief and a liar, selfish and cruel. 

This is your warning.

You can try all you like to cut me down. 

It will not matter. 

I will ALWAYS stand up. 

You may begin this war, but by god I will finish it!

This is my line.

Etched in Diamond. 

Not made of inconsistent sand.

Pure and crystal clear, it is immovable.  

Test it if you dare.

Today was a very difficult day.
A hurried morning, followed by a really busy day at work.
I really hate our instant gratification society and how impolite and rude people can be.
I really like my job, and the people that I work with.
I'm glad that people are becoming involved and proactive in caring for themselves.
However, the expectations and the return response time that is expected now is unrealistic.
There is only so much that we can do.
The medical profession is too far understaffed and it is greatly in need.
Our clinic is currently down doctors and nurses and it seems that we are always short staffed for some reason or another and the work load that is expected of us and that grows with each day is daunting.
There isn't enough time in the day.
It makes you feel frazzled, like a um.... frazzled thing is.



I came home to cranky babies in need of cuddling and so sat on the floor for 15 min just holding each kid for 5 minutes each.
I set up dinner. we ate and had a treat, then I took 15 min and let the kids listen to songs.
I changed the boys, had them all brush teeth, read stories, said prayers, sang songs, tucked them in and now I'm sitting at the glowing screen and thinking how I wish I could just go and curl up with them just so I have more time with them.
But I know that if I do they will stay awake longer and be even crankier tomorrow.Ii miss my babies. I miss watching them grow.
I work all week and never see them but a scant few hours a week then their dad takes them all weekend.
I never see them and they never see me. Some days it gets so overwhelming I just want to curl up and cry.
 I have to say that if I go back to school once the boys are in school then I will most likely be going for something that isn't in the medical profession, it's too demanding.

 

Today went too quickly. I blame the time warp on work. with teaming for a Doctor and two in baskets due to another nurse calling in the day just flew. Then just before the end of the day was a mock code. and the discussion after. 

A mock code is when we have someone come in and pretend to be in an emergency so that we can practice our "hey don't die on us" skills. It's a really good refresher and I feel like I learned stuff. The guy who does it is awesome. He's been a paramedic for the past 25 years and he offered that if we ever wanted we could ride in the ambulance with him. I'm so tempted because I think it would be a really eye opening amazing experience. 

I then drove half an hour out of my way to the lawyers to talk to them only to have them not finished with my paperwork and not in for me to ask questions. 

My job is great. But sometimes it really blows working the same business hours as everyone else and only having a half day to get it all done. 

I came home, changed clothing, ate lunch and caught up on what the boys had been doing, then packed us all into the car and went to get my little miss. my little moody sassy miss. my argumentative fanny fandango of a miss. I let the boys out to play on the playground there and while waiting for school to let out A came by to get her kiddo. I wished her a hap-hap-happy birthday again. (I had already called her at like seven thirty in the AM to do that). She gave me pictures from Nan's Wedding and my girl is beyond beautiful. 

There were tons of pictures of her and everyone of them model lovely. I could see just how she's going to look in ten years or so. I'm going to need a shot gun, a large large shot gun. with a saber on the end. 

My lovely Peanut came shooting out the door thereafter and played on the playground for a bit with her brothers.

We finally left and headed to the bank, and from there I was suckered by kids to go to the store, where I got the necessities in life: paper towels, pasta sauce, ice cream, pringles, and dollar toys. (Totally forgetting of course the one thing I really was in need of... cereal (thank you Fifi) (see earlier posts)).

Home again home again to make tacos for dinner while miss sass butt did her homework (seriously she has 7 days left, she's in second grade, homework is lame). The kids were bathed and brushed and ready for bed at 7 pm. totally rare these days. However, it took til 8 pm to have them settled, with stories, prayers and songs, and they are STILL UP. They can be such butts. But I can't help but love them. 

And that was my day. my wicked fast, where the hell did it go day. 

I'm going to try to go and relax with a shower, maybe some yoga, and a good movie. 

oh side note from yesterday. Took the kids swimming out at the pool in the afternoon. It was tons of fun. It took forever to get Nugget to want to come in but once he was in he had a good time. However I think his new nick-name should be koala. Bitty-bot had the best time once he got over the first coldness of the water, then I couldn't stop him from throwing things in, sunglasses, shoes, leaves you name it. I'm just glad the keys were hidden and the phone was upstairs. My girl was totally jealous of the "attention" I was giving the boys, but there wasn't much I could do about that. She's been getting that way increasingly and it's getting tiring. I shouldn't say that but it's frustrating always having her whine at me when right now she gets more of my time than the boys do at all. Sometimes this parenting thing is exhausting. 

 

Two Tales

1. Yesterday my daughter decided to get me breakfast. She's a sweet girl. However, what she chose to get was a little more than she could handle. She got us cereal, O.K. so far so good, then she decided to get us a fruit, really proud of thinking of the food groups, it was applesauce, still good. She got us milk in cups and even remembered to give me soy milk, best girl ever. She then added milk to our bowls, and all would have been well in the world except for 2 things, one: she used a quart of milk in just our bowls. (I'm not guessing, we had a full quart, then it was empty), Two: she did all this before asking me and before I got up, so that by the time I got up my cereal was complete and total mush. Mmmmm Honey bunches of mush. I tried to be a good mommy and I figured hey what is cereal except oats and wheat, I eat oatmeal all the time, I bet I could get this down if I just warm it up.... so that's what I did. I think I managed to choke down about 6 small bites before tossing it out when she wasn't looking. She tried really hard and I praised her for her efforts. But I requested that the next time she gets us breakfast she get us something like muffins, or granola bars, or something like that. So here's crossing my fingers. :) got to love that Peanut. 

2. Today I have been attempting to clean my house. I hope to be moving soon and I want to weed out what is garbage or isn't needed ahead of time. I figured hey no problem. I do this cleaning thing all the time. I'm on it. However, I did not count on my babes ability to co-op my time. So far, I've told stories, listened to music, danced with the baby, played with play-doh, looked at photos, painted, washed paint off clothes, and read nap time stories while snuggling. I did start in the kitchen... and I'm about half way done with it. LOL what's even worse is it's about the size of a postage stamp. Oh well we've had a fun day and I hope that it stays that way. Right now I'm calling it a win. Cleaning can happen anytime, time with the kids, right now, this day, that only happens once. :)  I love them so.

A New Start

I'm going to attempt to begin posting on my blog again.

It's been a very long while. True to life much has changed.

I do not plan to post about it all.

It's enough to say that I have been making many changes to my life, which in the long run I hope will be for the better.

And while sometimes it feels like the world and some of the people in it are determined to slap me down again and again, I'm continually moving forward.

I do this in the hopes that one day my efforts will pay off and my many small steps will lead to the goals I have for my children and me, and that all the costs (money-wise and other) will be worth it.

"Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it.... yet." :) (Thank you Anne).

Today I awoke with the dawn yet again. It is good to see the sun rise. It reminds me that there is always a new day to start again.

quick update.

laundry is in the dryer. word count is 18217. this kid is due in 3 and a half weeks. where did all my time go... *falls asleep on desk*

So tired.

As mentioned before, my kids are sick this week. As am I. My husband doesn't seem to be yet. But due to work he's either sleeping or AT work, so isn't of much help in this instance anyway. And I'm getting worn. I felt so bad when I sent my sick and tired girl right back up after she came down the stairs complaining yet again about something not being perfect for her bedtime (it was the blankets this time around). I'm just to pregnant, overworked, ill and tired to go up and down the stairs over and over. Part of me says "Hey suck it up! She's sick and needs her Mommy." and another part (the one that won tonight) says "She's six dude, she can straighten her own blankets, and you've already tucked her in, twice." Sometimes I really would like to be Wonder Woman...but I've had to let that go. Don't think I could stay sane if I didn't.(I may still try to get a pair of her very awesome, fashionable and functional indestructible bracelets tho.)

In NaNo news. I'm at 13,741 words. As my beloved Muppets say "moving right along." :)

Evil Weather

What is with this wackado season? Can anyone tell me? It's mid November and we're having like 50 to 60 degree weather. It's not right. And it's messing with my system. My whole household is sick, everyone I talk to is sick. I lost 2 days of Nano to sickness. I just got over some odd flu, stomach thing, and now I think I'm getting the strep my daughter has. I've had it. I don't know if it's Global warming or what, but it's got to stop. You hear me Mother Nature?! I'm talking to you lady! Knock it off already. Pick a damn season and stick with it you wishy-washy female you! :p (OK so being sick doesn't bring out the mature in me. So sue me.) I'm at 11928 words in Nano which is 3077 BEHIND where I'm supposed to be. Fooy Fooy Fooy! That's right I said Fooy and I meant Fooy! Fooy!

ung.

I think that this pregnancy is finally starting to get to me. At 35 weeks along I'm starting to feel like my feet are dragging all the time. Today especially. For the first time in forever I turned of my alarm and DIDN'T get out of bed, causing me to fall back asleep and not wake up until 8:30 when my daughter was supposed to be in school. So doing my best to get her out the door in decent time and get her fed and ready as well, I went to my husband to ask if he could watch the boy for 15 minutes so I didn't have to haul him along. I got some long whiny story about only having 5 hours of sleep, so had to take the extra time to bundle to squirming boy-o and haul him out to the van... that's getting harder and harder to do. The rest of the day went in a like fashion for some reason. I think it's cuz the late waking just threw my schedule. But on a high note, I'm at 8466 words for NaNo and while I'm horribly tired, I'm very excited for my baby shower tomorrow. So my bedtime now. Here's hoping I don't sleep in again and do manage to get my house clean for company. :)

It has begun.

Yes! NaNoWriMo is here. I have been waiting forever for this day. (OK only a year) But seriously, I love it. Already today I have ignored the pick up and the vacuuming, the sweeping and moping, to sit at the computer in our dungeon of a basement and type my first 1490 words while my son has slept. I type this as his first squeaks of wakefulness eke over the monitor. Waiting impatiently for the NaNo site to load, let me sign in and record my glorious accomplishment. Poor over worked and loved NaNo site I feel for you. I really do. All of us insane typists vieing for your attention in our mad quest to write 50,000 words in just one short month. Chaos! But oh the joy! Oh the glory you bring!
This year I must be diligent and on top of my game. There is no knowing when this 3rd child may choose to join the haphazardness that is our household. Soooo... *fingers crossed* I'll get my 50,000 in before he gets OUT. *grins*

Halloween!

Ah tis the season to get candy! I love Halloween. Despite the fact that we have completely commercialized it. I love the crisp smell of fall and the gorgeous colors of the trees. I love seeing teeny kids dressed up in adorable costumes that make you want to sqwee. I love how people just open their door and great you with a smile, then hand you kindness in the form of chocolate. (ok so maybe that's stretching it, but still...) I also think it's great that Halloween is something different for everyone, it's the most diverse holiday that I can think of. And I love that tomorrow I will go to the store and get costumes for the kidlets for next year (oh god i'm going to have 3 by then!) at half off. It's just good times all around. (Also tomorrow... I shall write for the NaNo again!!!! Whoot!)

NaNoWriMo

So I know that I've been out of the loop of the blogging world. This has been mostly due to the my computer dying on me and the insanity of life. BUT There is light at the end of the tunnel! I have been inspired again. As it is NaNoWriMo time yet again!!! Therefor I shall endeavor to keep you all informed of my progress which I'm sure that you are not all that interested in but will have to put up with 'cuz you love me....or i hope you do. :p

Little Update.

So I've dropped off the face of the earth a bit. I've been dealing with a lot at home and not very well. I did that thing where I cleaned up a bit and cuz the house is so cluttered put the computer away so it was out of the way. Sad thing is that I'm really an out of sight out of mind person and before I knew it weeks had passed. I'm not sure that I'll do better in the days to come. But I will try not to forget so completely again.

In other news. Peanut is almost done with school. I long for warm weather and not all the cold wet rain we've been getting. Nugget is growing by leaps and bounds. And there is still never enough time in a day.

TTFN.

Meaning.....

Ahhh it's Spin time. I've been thinking about this one a lot through the last week. For a while all that I came up with was

"wheel of morality turn, turn, turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn." "turny, turny, turny, turny."

Which tells you that my brain wasn't really in the contemplations for a while. (For those of you that are wondering that's from Animaniacs).

However, I think I now know the direction that I want this to take.

Think about words. Where did they come from? Why do we have so many that mean the same thing? How do we know that the words that we are using are the correct ones? Who came up with what means what?

Well the most basic answer is that most words originate from Latin basis. But not all. And where did the Latin language originate? When you think about it often a word comes from someone just making it up. I do it often when I can't find the right words to say what I want. So who's to say that didn't happen umpteen whatsits years ago.

I think that often we need so many words to say the same thing because we put different variances on them, or we want to be original, we want our words to be remembered. So we use descriptive words that make us unique to someone else. But think about it do we really need this excess of words. Chew, Masticate, Gnaw. Pretty, Beautiful, Stunning, Gorgeous. Flashy, Flamboyant, Glittery, Bling. And so on. How did so many words come about?? What's the reasoning behind all the descriptive words we use. Heck we even have words to describe WORDS! Flowery, Romantic, Terse, Glib, Flowing.

Also I've often sat awake on insomniatic nights and wondered to myself how we know that what we are calling things is what we were intended to. Think about it. At some point someone chose to write down a dictionary of language. A chart of what words meant. But what if once the master copy was done what if it was handed off to a lackey to make copies of. Often copiers weren't required to be able to read. They just had to make a copy of what was written..And who's to say they didn't get messed up down the line. We've all done it, just bumped that second column up one and suddenly it doesn't match what's in the first column. So now the description for a door is across from the word chair....how are we to know the difference. I know that there are ways to prove me wrong in written history somehow. But that's what I'm talking about, the unwritten history, what came before we put it all in some kind of log.

I'm rambling a bit I know. However, I think that what I'm getting at is this. We all have our own personal language. And it is the intention behind the words that gives them power. (My Nana only ever called my Grandpa "Richard" in my hearing, But she had about 50 different ways of inflecting on it that let you know exactly how she was feeling). There is no right or wrong way to use words or speak. The goal is communication. And if you can communicate with someone, well you are lucky. So think before you speak think of the words you are using and why. Think of the impact they will have on the people around you. Words have the potential to change the world. Because even the tiniest ripple (like that new phrase you came up with just yesterday) can become a wave. Words are just words yes, but how you use them, the inflection you put behind them, the raw meaning is all part of what is being communicated.

For more great Spins about words check out Sprite's Keeper!

Random Though Tuesday: Shows, and Painting, and Rain oh my.

Last night I did a Pampered chef show. It was awesome. I had the best hostess. She did everything that you are supposed to do. she got outside orders before hand. She invited tons of people and followed up with them by calling. She had a great turn out. And she is going to get a handful of more orders by tracking down people who said they would. And you know why because she knows that the more sales that she has the more free and discounted items she gets. I love her to death. I think it was my best show yet and I had tons of fun. I didn't feel awkward or fumbbly at all. HOOORAY!

My son started crawling today. Not just his army crawl, not just a few little tries here and there, but all out across the living room crawling. I'm in so much trouble.

I started painting my hallway today. It's going to be a very pale green. I wanted something that was more sage-y. But somehow when mixed I got something minty....Oh well. My Husband says that it's all gray to him (he's mildly color blind) :).

I have unearthed my house from the mess that I let it become. It was great today to come out to the living room and see the floor. It was also great to have a table space to eat at...really need to keep up with this whole cleaning thing.

I have to take the cat to the vet today...just a check up but I hate doing it anyway. It's such a hassle. One of these days I need to find a house in the country and just have barn cats or something....ones that roam and aren't "'ours" so I don't have to fee so responsible for them.

that sounded snarky

I also have to take my son in for his 9 month check up. That is also a hassle but one that I'm willing to put up with. He is so damn cute and I can't believe how big he is.

We lay down grass seed just the other day. And then last night it rained something crazy like 3 inches in 3 hours. So my Husband is pissed cuz he thinks all the seed got washed away...i said to give it time. I'm sure it's ok....maybe.

In other news I LOVED that it rained I think that thunderstorms are the best thing ever.

We have a very full week this week. I'm trying to get the house painted and nice (because we may be looking to sell soon). And we are looking at houses. And doing all the chores and errands that come with that. It's not fun as my husband is on midnights this week, means he's loosing sleep and he's a bear.

My son went down for a nap today with out protest. No squeak of indignation at being put down. Just rolled over and conked out. I hope this means that he's getting used to going to bed on his own. And not that he was just too tired today.

I also totally finished painting my entertainment center. I love it. It's cream with stenciling of green ivy on it...I'd put up a picture but that takes too much time right now.

By the by did you know that it's damn difficult to find stencils in stores anymore. Everywhere I look it's all these damn rub-ons. So I just made my own. It was a pain in the ass...but the outcome was fabulous even if I do say so myself.

Well it's time for me to go and get ready for the day. So hope you liked this bit of random. For more awesome random posts check out The Un Mom!

Monday's Muse: Words for thought.

See It Through
by Edgar A. Guest

When you're up against a trouble,
Meet it squarely, face to face;
Lift your chin and set your shoulders,
Plant your feet and take a brace.
When it's vain to try to dodge it,
Do the best that you can do;
You may fail, but you may conquer,
See it through!

Black may be the clouds about you
And your future may seem grim,
But don't let your nerve desert you;
Keep yourself in fighting trim.
If the worst is bound to happen,
Spite of all that you can do,
Running from it will not save you,
See it through!

Even hope may seem but futile,
When with troubles you're beset,
But remember you are facing
Just what other men have met.
You may fail, but fall still fighting;
Don't give up, whate'er you do;
Eyes front, head high to the finish.
See it through!

Pity Party: Table for one?

Today has been better than yesterday. Mostly. See the thing is when you have a BIG problem underlying everything it's hard to just take a day as it is. But I'm trying.

I chose to let my house fall to shambles today. I decided that I needed/deserved a respite. (This means that I can no longer find my favorite slippers or any surface area in the kitchen, but what the hell I'll deal tomorrow).

I woke up lazy today and stayed in bed talking to the Husband before he went to bed. When Peanut arose she piped up that she wanted pancakes. I'm not a big hot breakfast morning mom (I keep trying to be but I'm just not), but I thought you know what pancakes sound yummy. So pancakes we had. Even Nugget. That boy is rejecting "baby" food more and more for "big kid" food. He's only 9 mo for criminitly. That was nice. Then I have a bit of a blank as to what I did. (Oh yeah finished feeding and dressing boy-o and taking shower). I let Peanut watch a TON of Mr Rogers videos on line because really it's Mister Rogers. It's like the one show on the face of the planet that doesn't cause brain rot in kids. (IMO) The Hubby woke up WAAAYYYYY too early so we decided to go do drive bys of the houses we are contemplating looking at to maybe/possibly buy. After that it was lunch at Subway and then an impromptu trip the the movie theater to see "How to Train Your Dragon" (excellent movie). Home again we all hung out in the back yard for and hour-ish before I made a delicious meal of spaghetti-o's and beets. (OK well at least it was sustenance) My husband was going to grab a shower and help put the kids to bed....but he made the mistake of laying down. the dude's had so very little sleep this week I just decided to let him be. I got the kidlets to bed with no fuss from the Nugget and tons from miss sassy Peanut. But over all a decent bedtime.

So see not that bad a day as a matter of fact really good day, almost great. If only this darn personal gray cloud would stop following me I think I'd be able to appreciate it. I know I'm whining but too bad. I need to. I'm just so very mad at the world right now for too many reasons. I'm mad at me and at my Husband. I'm mad at how difficult life is and how no matter how many times I pull myself up there is always something coming at me that I'm not ready to handle. I'll like for just once in my 28 years of life to stand on solid ground. I'd like just one day a whole 24 hours all to myself with no responsibilities. No worrying about kids. No having to pump. No needing to watch alcohol intake. No having to be home at a certain time because I have to make sure everyone else has a life that runs smoothly.

I finally got a hold of my sister and talked with her a bit. She said "Honey, I think you need to come and visit me for a few days." I said "I think I do too. However, on Sunday Peanut has a costume fitting and then goes to her dad's, on Monday I have a doctor's appointment and a show to do, on Tues Mischief goes to the vet and Nugget goes to the Doc, Weds I get Peanut back again AND she has dance, Thursday Peanut has School. How bout Friday?" See this is me running my ass off. And every week is like this. Every time I think I have stuff organized, scheduled, etc. I find that really 24 hours in a day isn't that long at all and I'm out of time yet again.

*bangs head on wall* I'm feeling very bitter right now. This was not THE PLAN. I wasn't going to be some tied down mom. I would NEVER EVER trade my children for anything. But I would really like it if everyone here could just give me a break and I could stop for just a bit. Stop DOING and have a chance just to BE. Just me. Not mom, not wife, not daughter, sister, friend, confidant, jungle gym, storyteller, game maker, and so on, just me, the one, the only, with no substitutions, extensions or refunds. (ohhh look I attempted humor here).

OK my pity party is over for today, come back tomorrow if you want more. (This may be the theme for a while until I work out my issue/s). Hope you can stand it. If not, well don't read for a bit.

Well shit.

Today is hard. In so many ways. And I'm feeling a little lost as I have no one I can really talk to. I don't have a large group of female friends to turn to. My Mom was my go to gal so I'm missing her something awful today. I tried to call my sister but she had a major migraine and couldn't talk. I'm not mad at her or anything, I just feel adrift. I think I need a bigger safety net and I don't really know how to create one. I used to be great at making friends but now it takes me a really long time to trust someone enough to open up about the important things. That doesn't mean that I don't have friends, just that I don't feel comfortable confiding in them (so maybe that makes them only acquaintances). My Husband is great, but there are somethings that he just can't empathize with as he's never had to deal with them. I know I'm not even talking about my problem/s here either, and that's 'cuz I'm not ready to. But I just needed to do something to try and work the emotions out. I'm not sure I'm succeeding. I just want my Mommy.

Novel Names Anyone?

I just did more work on my NaNoWriMo novel and I'm feeling the crunch. I really want to get it done so that I have that lovely copy all my own to put on my book shelf....But I'm worried that I've left it so long that I'm only going to have time for a sloppy edit. Oh well get it done I shall and This November I'll do better. (I hope). I was going to leave an excerpt, but I couldn't find anything that I found funny. Instead I'll ask for help with a book title.

My working title is Baby Steps, But I don't really feel that it fits any more. The story is basically a faux journal of a girl going from about the age of 9 to maybe 20/ 25....(I'm not sure where it will end yet as time is a factor). And all of the difficult things she has to face in her life. This includes her unanswered questions as to what makes an adult. The hope is that the reader will see growth not only in "her" writing style, but in the way she handles the obstacles that present themselves. In essence reducing the questioning factor as she ages. The entries have large gaps of time between them and aren't dated. I want it to feel like going into the attic and finding the journal of someone that you've never met, but feel for none the less.

So give me your suggestions and maybe I'll find something more fitting.

Spin Cycle: Appearances

Appearances.

"Don't judge a book by it's cover"...

"Appearances can be deceiving"...

"Look before you leap"...

All these words of wisdom, and what do they really mean. Well I'm here to tell you....I DON'T KNOW. :)

But I can tell you my take on them.

I feel that in our society we are so geared toward appearances that we are constantly misled and bound to believe ridiculous untruths.

Skinny people are beautiful
People who wear glasses are smart
Handsome = a good partner

And so on and so forth. But the truth is that you really can't tell who someone is by how they look. There is just no way to make that instant judgment, and yet so many of us do.

I remember when I started dating my very 1st boyfriend he was lanky, and wiry, his hair was curly and long, and his mouth was too wide. So many people asked me why I was dating him, what did I see in him? And so I told them the truth, I thought he was beautiful. I had known him for 3 years and his mind and soul were these almost tangible shining things that I could gaze at and become enraptured over. And he took the time to know me. He was one of only 3 people in my life who could often finish my sentences. So, very early on I learned that your perception of a persons appearance can be greatly influenced by getting to know them.

In essence you can meet someone and they may seem just average to begin with, but in getting to know them they can become more beautiful than any super model because you discover their true beauty lying within. The reverse is true too. You can see that Johnny Depp look-a-like walking down the street and think 'Man I've got to get to know HIM!', but then when you do, you find out that he's rude, demeaning, cruel and heartless and before you know it he's looking less and less like Johnny.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't put much stock in appearances. I also do my best not to judge. If someone is out at the store in their pajamas, maybe they're lazy, but maybe just maybe they're having a really tough week. I think I do this because I don't want to be judged that way myself. And as my beloved mother used to say "To assume makes and ASS out of U and ME."

I'd like to say that I'm not influenced by others opinions of me, but that would be telling an untruth. I do care, just not enough to worry about it 24/7. If I'm out of diapers, Nugget just spit up on me and Peanut just slathered my hip with chocolatey/painty/muddy hand prints, *shrugs* I'm not going to worry too much about it until I have more time to care for it. I'm going to get those darn diapers and to hell with whoever feels they can sneer at me and my "slovenlyness" (Is that a word?...Well if not, it is now).

But despite this post I don't think that human kind is suddenly going to change and become more loving and accepting of those who are different.

There is some faulty part of humans that disregards what is different, that puts down what isn't understood and that seems to always wants to be "better" than others. It makes me sad.

So now that I've brought down the WHOLE post I'll write this. People are beautiful. It is our differences that make us not only unique but intriguing. If someone makes you feel like you are less, stop hanging around them. You should only surround yourself with your "beautiful people" those that bolster you up, aid you and love you where you are at.

For more Spins on appearances check out Sprite's Keeper!