Meaning.....

Ahhh it's Spin time. I've been thinking about this one a lot through the last week. For a while all that I came up with was

"wheel of morality turn, turn, turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn." "turny, turny, turny, turny."

Which tells you that my brain wasn't really in the contemplations for a while. (For those of you that are wondering that's from Animaniacs).

However, I think I now know the direction that I want this to take.

Think about words. Where did they come from? Why do we have so many that mean the same thing? How do we know that the words that we are using are the correct ones? Who came up with what means what?

Well the most basic answer is that most words originate from Latin basis. But not all. And where did the Latin language originate? When you think about it often a word comes from someone just making it up. I do it often when I can't find the right words to say what I want. So who's to say that didn't happen umpteen whatsits years ago.

I think that often we need so many words to say the same thing because we put different variances on them, or we want to be original, we want our words to be remembered. So we use descriptive words that make us unique to someone else. But think about it do we really need this excess of words. Chew, Masticate, Gnaw. Pretty, Beautiful, Stunning, Gorgeous. Flashy, Flamboyant, Glittery, Bling. And so on. How did so many words come about?? What's the reasoning behind all the descriptive words we use. Heck we even have words to describe WORDS! Flowery, Romantic, Terse, Glib, Flowing.

Also I've often sat awake on insomniatic nights and wondered to myself how we know that what we are calling things is what we were intended to. Think about it. At some point someone chose to write down a dictionary of language. A chart of what words meant. But what if once the master copy was done what if it was handed off to a lackey to make copies of. Often copiers weren't required to be able to read. They just had to make a copy of what was written..And who's to say they didn't get messed up down the line. We've all done it, just bumped that second column up one and suddenly it doesn't match what's in the first column. So now the description for a door is across from the word chair....how are we to know the difference. I know that there are ways to prove me wrong in written history somehow. But that's what I'm talking about, the unwritten history, what came before we put it all in some kind of log.

I'm rambling a bit I know. However, I think that what I'm getting at is this. We all have our own personal language. And it is the intention behind the words that gives them power. (My Nana only ever called my Grandpa "Richard" in my hearing, But she had about 50 different ways of inflecting on it that let you know exactly how she was feeling). There is no right or wrong way to use words or speak. The goal is communication. And if you can communicate with someone, well you are lucky. So think before you speak think of the words you are using and why. Think of the impact they will have on the people around you. Words have the potential to change the world. Because even the tiniest ripple (like that new phrase you came up with just yesterday) can become a wave. Words are just words yes, but how you use them, the inflection you put behind them, the raw meaning is all part of what is being communicated.

For more great Spins about words check out Sprite's Keeper!

Random Though Tuesday: Shows, and Painting, and Rain oh my.

Last night I did a Pampered chef show. It was awesome. I had the best hostess. She did everything that you are supposed to do. she got outside orders before hand. She invited tons of people and followed up with them by calling. She had a great turn out. And she is going to get a handful of more orders by tracking down people who said they would. And you know why because she knows that the more sales that she has the more free and discounted items she gets. I love her to death. I think it was my best show yet and I had tons of fun. I didn't feel awkward or fumbbly at all. HOOORAY!

My son started crawling today. Not just his army crawl, not just a few little tries here and there, but all out across the living room crawling. I'm in so much trouble.

I started painting my hallway today. It's going to be a very pale green. I wanted something that was more sage-y. But somehow when mixed I got something minty....Oh well. My Husband says that it's all gray to him (he's mildly color blind) :).

I have unearthed my house from the mess that I let it become. It was great today to come out to the living room and see the floor. It was also great to have a table space to eat at...really need to keep up with this whole cleaning thing.

I have to take the cat to the vet today...just a check up but I hate doing it anyway. It's such a hassle. One of these days I need to find a house in the country and just have barn cats or something....ones that roam and aren't "'ours" so I don't have to fee so responsible for them.

that sounded snarky

I also have to take my son in for his 9 month check up. That is also a hassle but one that I'm willing to put up with. He is so damn cute and I can't believe how big he is.

We lay down grass seed just the other day. And then last night it rained something crazy like 3 inches in 3 hours. So my Husband is pissed cuz he thinks all the seed got washed away...i said to give it time. I'm sure it's ok....maybe.

In other news I LOVED that it rained I think that thunderstorms are the best thing ever.

We have a very full week this week. I'm trying to get the house painted and nice (because we may be looking to sell soon). And we are looking at houses. And doing all the chores and errands that come with that. It's not fun as my husband is on midnights this week, means he's loosing sleep and he's a bear.

My son went down for a nap today with out protest. No squeak of indignation at being put down. Just rolled over and conked out. I hope this means that he's getting used to going to bed on his own. And not that he was just too tired today.

I also totally finished painting my entertainment center. I love it. It's cream with stenciling of green ivy on it...I'd put up a picture but that takes too much time right now.

By the by did you know that it's damn difficult to find stencils in stores anymore. Everywhere I look it's all these damn rub-ons. So I just made my own. It was a pain in the ass...but the outcome was fabulous even if I do say so myself.

Well it's time for me to go and get ready for the day. So hope you liked this bit of random. For more awesome random posts check out The Un Mom!

Monday's Muse: Words for thought.

See It Through
by Edgar A. Guest

When you're up against a trouble,
Meet it squarely, face to face;
Lift your chin and set your shoulders,
Plant your feet and take a brace.
When it's vain to try to dodge it,
Do the best that you can do;
You may fail, but you may conquer,
See it through!

Black may be the clouds about you
And your future may seem grim,
But don't let your nerve desert you;
Keep yourself in fighting trim.
If the worst is bound to happen,
Spite of all that you can do,
Running from it will not save you,
See it through!

Even hope may seem but futile,
When with troubles you're beset,
But remember you are facing
Just what other men have met.
You may fail, but fall still fighting;
Don't give up, whate'er you do;
Eyes front, head high to the finish.
See it through!

Pity Party: Table for one?

Today has been better than yesterday. Mostly. See the thing is when you have a BIG problem underlying everything it's hard to just take a day as it is. But I'm trying.

I chose to let my house fall to shambles today. I decided that I needed/deserved a respite. (This means that I can no longer find my favorite slippers or any surface area in the kitchen, but what the hell I'll deal tomorrow).

I woke up lazy today and stayed in bed talking to the Husband before he went to bed. When Peanut arose she piped up that she wanted pancakes. I'm not a big hot breakfast morning mom (I keep trying to be but I'm just not), but I thought you know what pancakes sound yummy. So pancakes we had. Even Nugget. That boy is rejecting "baby" food more and more for "big kid" food. He's only 9 mo for criminitly. That was nice. Then I have a bit of a blank as to what I did. (Oh yeah finished feeding and dressing boy-o and taking shower). I let Peanut watch a TON of Mr Rogers videos on line because really it's Mister Rogers. It's like the one show on the face of the planet that doesn't cause brain rot in kids. (IMO) The Hubby woke up WAAAYYYYY too early so we decided to go do drive bys of the houses we are contemplating looking at to maybe/possibly buy. After that it was lunch at Subway and then an impromptu trip the the movie theater to see "How to Train Your Dragon" (excellent movie). Home again we all hung out in the back yard for and hour-ish before I made a delicious meal of spaghetti-o's and beets. (OK well at least it was sustenance) My husband was going to grab a shower and help put the kids to bed....but he made the mistake of laying down. the dude's had so very little sleep this week I just decided to let him be. I got the kidlets to bed with no fuss from the Nugget and tons from miss sassy Peanut. But over all a decent bedtime.

So see not that bad a day as a matter of fact really good day, almost great. If only this darn personal gray cloud would stop following me I think I'd be able to appreciate it. I know I'm whining but too bad. I need to. I'm just so very mad at the world right now for too many reasons. I'm mad at me and at my Husband. I'm mad at how difficult life is and how no matter how many times I pull myself up there is always something coming at me that I'm not ready to handle. I'll like for just once in my 28 years of life to stand on solid ground. I'd like just one day a whole 24 hours all to myself with no responsibilities. No worrying about kids. No having to pump. No needing to watch alcohol intake. No having to be home at a certain time because I have to make sure everyone else has a life that runs smoothly.

I finally got a hold of my sister and talked with her a bit. She said "Honey, I think you need to come and visit me for a few days." I said "I think I do too. However, on Sunday Peanut has a costume fitting and then goes to her dad's, on Monday I have a doctor's appointment and a show to do, on Tues Mischief goes to the vet and Nugget goes to the Doc, Weds I get Peanut back again AND she has dance, Thursday Peanut has School. How bout Friday?" See this is me running my ass off. And every week is like this. Every time I think I have stuff organized, scheduled, etc. I find that really 24 hours in a day isn't that long at all and I'm out of time yet again.

*bangs head on wall* I'm feeling very bitter right now. This was not THE PLAN. I wasn't going to be some tied down mom. I would NEVER EVER trade my children for anything. But I would really like it if everyone here could just give me a break and I could stop for just a bit. Stop DOING and have a chance just to BE. Just me. Not mom, not wife, not daughter, sister, friend, confidant, jungle gym, storyteller, game maker, and so on, just me, the one, the only, with no substitutions, extensions or refunds. (ohhh look I attempted humor here).

OK my pity party is over for today, come back tomorrow if you want more. (This may be the theme for a while until I work out my issue/s). Hope you can stand it. If not, well don't read for a bit.

Well shit.

Today is hard. In so many ways. And I'm feeling a little lost as I have no one I can really talk to. I don't have a large group of female friends to turn to. My Mom was my go to gal so I'm missing her something awful today. I tried to call my sister but she had a major migraine and couldn't talk. I'm not mad at her or anything, I just feel adrift. I think I need a bigger safety net and I don't really know how to create one. I used to be great at making friends but now it takes me a really long time to trust someone enough to open up about the important things. That doesn't mean that I don't have friends, just that I don't feel comfortable confiding in them (so maybe that makes them only acquaintances). My Husband is great, but there are somethings that he just can't empathize with as he's never had to deal with them. I know I'm not even talking about my problem/s here either, and that's 'cuz I'm not ready to. But I just needed to do something to try and work the emotions out. I'm not sure I'm succeeding. I just want my Mommy.

Novel Names Anyone?

I just did more work on my NaNoWriMo novel and I'm feeling the crunch. I really want to get it done so that I have that lovely copy all my own to put on my book shelf....But I'm worried that I've left it so long that I'm only going to have time for a sloppy edit. Oh well get it done I shall and This November I'll do better. (I hope). I was going to leave an excerpt, but I couldn't find anything that I found funny. Instead I'll ask for help with a book title.

My working title is Baby Steps, But I don't really feel that it fits any more. The story is basically a faux journal of a girl going from about the age of 9 to maybe 20/ 25....(I'm not sure where it will end yet as time is a factor). And all of the difficult things she has to face in her life. This includes her unanswered questions as to what makes an adult. The hope is that the reader will see growth not only in "her" writing style, but in the way she handles the obstacles that present themselves. In essence reducing the questioning factor as she ages. The entries have large gaps of time between them and aren't dated. I want it to feel like going into the attic and finding the journal of someone that you've never met, but feel for none the less.

So give me your suggestions and maybe I'll find something more fitting.

Spin Cycle: Appearances

Appearances.

"Don't judge a book by it's cover"...

"Appearances can be deceiving"...

"Look before you leap"...

All these words of wisdom, and what do they really mean. Well I'm here to tell you....I DON'T KNOW. :)

But I can tell you my take on them.

I feel that in our society we are so geared toward appearances that we are constantly misled and bound to believe ridiculous untruths.

Skinny people are beautiful
People who wear glasses are smart
Handsome = a good partner

And so on and so forth. But the truth is that you really can't tell who someone is by how they look. There is just no way to make that instant judgment, and yet so many of us do.

I remember when I started dating my very 1st boyfriend he was lanky, and wiry, his hair was curly and long, and his mouth was too wide. So many people asked me why I was dating him, what did I see in him? And so I told them the truth, I thought he was beautiful. I had known him for 3 years and his mind and soul were these almost tangible shining things that I could gaze at and become enraptured over. And he took the time to know me. He was one of only 3 people in my life who could often finish my sentences. So, very early on I learned that your perception of a persons appearance can be greatly influenced by getting to know them.

In essence you can meet someone and they may seem just average to begin with, but in getting to know them they can become more beautiful than any super model because you discover their true beauty lying within. The reverse is true too. You can see that Johnny Depp look-a-like walking down the street and think 'Man I've got to get to know HIM!', but then when you do, you find out that he's rude, demeaning, cruel and heartless and before you know it he's looking less and less like Johnny.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't put much stock in appearances. I also do my best not to judge. If someone is out at the store in their pajamas, maybe they're lazy, but maybe just maybe they're having a really tough week. I think I do this because I don't want to be judged that way myself. And as my beloved mother used to say "To assume makes and ASS out of U and ME."

I'd like to say that I'm not influenced by others opinions of me, but that would be telling an untruth. I do care, just not enough to worry about it 24/7. If I'm out of diapers, Nugget just spit up on me and Peanut just slathered my hip with chocolatey/painty/muddy hand prints, *shrugs* I'm not going to worry too much about it until I have more time to care for it. I'm going to get those darn diapers and to hell with whoever feels they can sneer at me and my "slovenlyness" (Is that a word?...Well if not, it is now).

But despite this post I don't think that human kind is suddenly going to change and become more loving and accepting of those who are different.

There is some faulty part of humans that disregards what is different, that puts down what isn't understood and that seems to always wants to be "better" than others. It makes me sad.

So now that I've brought down the WHOLE post I'll write this. People are beautiful. It is our differences that make us not only unique but intriguing. If someone makes you feel like you are less, stop hanging around them. You should only surround yourself with your "beautiful people" those that bolster you up, aid you and love you where you are at.

For more Spins on appearances check out Sprite's Keeper! 

Random Though Tuesday

Hurrah! Today is Random day. Today this totally brings to mind the show iCarly. Mostly because they have a portion on their show called RANDOM DANCING!. If you've never seen it then you won't get how funny it is, but I have to say that even though I'm in my late twenties it always makes me giggle. Something about some of the teeny-bopper shows just makes me happy. I think it's all the bright colors and simplicity.

Speaking of shows that I like I can't wait for gLee to start again. Not to mention Heroes, I really want them to have just one more season! Other than that there isn't much that I really watch...so I guess this section of random is over.

I was painting the entertainment center for my living room the other day and I pulled a pectoral muscle some how, but lord only knows why. I'm begining to feel a little defeated over this project. In looking at it my Husband was all "Oh well, you know I like natural wood colors better." I thought to myself: you know that was something you could have mentioned when I said 'do you think I should paint it?' instead of a noncommittal shrug. Also I'm painting it to match the color that I WANT the living room to be, and since my husband is never home I don't know how doing that project is going to occur.

Moving on I really want to paint my whole house (inside) as it's needed it for a year at least. But now my Husband and I are talking about the possibility of moving in the near future and I'm frustrated that if we do that I'll have just gotten the house and yard to where I want and we'll be leaving. (poo)

In other news, I NEED to get my son on a schedule. I've been messing it up royaly. You see I've gotten so used to doing whatever I need to do when ever that I haven't been staying home and giving him proper time to sleep (during the day). This is also partially due to the fact that my daughter when little was like clockwork and would fall asleep ANYWHERE. So last night I decided to start a schedule for him and instead of always cuddling him I have to let him tough it out. I hate this part when they cry and cry and you feel like the meanest mom on the planet. I know he needs to learn to comfort himself and that I'm not doing him any favors if I don't teach him now, but it still sucks.

I have a Pampered Chef show tonight so this kind of messes up the whole sleep plan. But I'm going to do it again when we get home. I'm really worried about my show tonight. I've only had two on my own so far and one was a great big bomb (I know it sounds like a cop out but it wasn't really my fault as my sister created a kind of self-fulfilling fail of a show). But still I'm nervous and I think I'm going to go and watch the training video like 3 or 4 more times today. I just really want to be a success at something, and I think this can be it if I work for it.

For more Random Thoughts check out The UnMom!

Easter Tidbits.

Today I am recovering from Easter. The kids both got HUGE baskets. I didn't intend for them to be so gigantic, but I have this bad habit of buying a little bit here and a little bit there and before I know it everything is over the top. I did it for Christmas too. I really need to start keeping track. After baskets we just hung out together for a while. It was nice to have that slow and worry free time together with them. It's so rare when they both aren't driving me mad.

After that I took my Peanut to her Dad's so that she could get yet another Easter basket (I know crazy). But I couldn't stop laughing watching her sugared up self run literal circles about his house. It was lunch time and so he kindly invited me out to eat at Subway. It was good to just hang out and chat with him. I really love those moments when he and I can be just friends again, instead of our discussions being reduced to "she had a bath and breakfast, but she's still got homework to do." and the like. It's not that we aren't friendly to each other, quite the contrary, we just don't always have time in our lives for a sit down chat.

Upon returning home I woke my husband so we could go to the In-laws for dinner. It was good to be around adults and have more than one rushed grown up conversation for the day. Home again, home again jiggity jig, Where I began to paint my entertainment center. This is done for 2 reasons. 1. It's all scared and stained and will just look nicer. 2. It should (when I get around to painting the living room) then match the decor. Finally at the end of the night I gained some of that semi-alone time with my husband that we are so vastly lacking. After that it's all just R and R time.

Today I've been having a hard time getting motivated. See the problem with my husbands work schedule is that I always have to get up every morning at the butt crack of dawn with the kids. And I am not a morning person. never have been, never will be. I can count on one hand the number of times since I've had kids that I've gotten to sleep as long as I wanted without being disturbed. Even when my Husband says I can eventually he comes in with some question, or my daughter sneaks past his guard, or heck I've just been in there TOO long and they think that no one can sleep that long. No matter how many times I tell them that I can. 'Kay so that was a long tangent just to say that today I'm worn out, tired, and lazy and don't want to do anything. *laughs*

Oh well. I hope everyone had a great weekend and are feeling more motivated than I. :)

Belated Random Thoughts

Yes there is a trend going on for the moment, deal. Today has been lovely. It's been beautiful out and I've had a very togetherness kind of day with the kids. That could be because I essentially devoted it to them. There has been no errands no running around, no yelling (at least on my part), and I'm always grateful for that. I have always really disliked when I yell. I don't feel like it's the real me who is talking, and it's never pretty.

Anywho, having said that it's been a great day, I'm dreading tonight. My husband works the swing shift and tonight (actually all this week) he's gone in at 8pm. Which means he gets up at dinner, bath and bedtime. You would think this mean that he has time to help me, but not so much when he's got to get his dinner, shower, pack food and prepare for going to work. It totally blows. I end up feeling all alone and help-less (not to be confused with helpless), it's no good. I'm hoping for a good tonight as the kids have been out in the great weather and fresh air always manages to make them conk out.

In other news I fed my Nugget Chef Boyardee mini raviolis today. (I cut them up of course). Even though I know that I would never have done that with my first, I find myself doing all kinds of stuff like that with him. I think after your first child survives and you see that you're a good parent and that bending the rules a little doesn't hurt them you just start to bend them all over. You want some cotton candy? "Sure!" Oreo? "Sure!" Dilly bar? "Why not!" It's just so much easier to give in and let them try it than it is to fight them one armed while you try to do whatever it is you need to.

Also today Nugget took a nap in the middle of the day, one where he actually let me lay him down. It was blissful. I got to nap on the couch while my Peanut watched a movie and then she and I got some alone time before he woke to make cookies. So nice. I hope we can make it a regular thing as my poor Peanut needs more alone time with me.

Oooo in other news I made a canopy for my daughters bed for less than $15! I was only able to do it because she has the bottom of a bunk bed set as her bed. But it is so cool. I got 4 wooden dowels and stuck them in the bunk bed holes. Then I put eye screws on top of those. I bought a few yards of chiffon on sale at Jo Ann's, and tied them at the corners. Last I took some thread, tied it to the center of the fabric then taped that tread to the ceiling. It's not bad if i do say so myself. And she walked in a said "Mom! It's just like Fancy Nancy!" Which made me feel awesome because she LOVES those books.

So there's my bit of random. Hope you all have a great day.

Belated Monday's Muse

So I had planned to put this up on Monday, however, that obviously didn't happen. A few years ago my cousin sent me an e-mail full of pictures like the one I'm about to place in this blog, I was so awed by them and the amount of work that must go into one. I can't imagine having that patience. Nor can I imagine having that amount of alone time. *laughs* My family would never survive if I took time out for it. But I digress.

When I was looking earlier for a picture of Ukrainian Easter eggs, I came across one of these, and was reminded again how very beautiful they are, and how largely I appreciate art and beauty in my life.

Yes that is an egg SHELL, a carved egg shell. Aren't you amazed! Because I always am!