To every thing turn, turn.....

I hate the change of seasons. I, and my family invariably spend at least a month at the begining of each season being ill. I really don't like it. Now we all have a cold. Something that we picked up at ECFE no doubt. The worst part is that I can never take anything because for the past 18 months I've been either pregnant or breast feeding. *gars*

But my daughter was so sweet this morning. She got up, dressed and got breakfast (!) all by herself, (yes it was only yogurt, strawberries and milk but still) so that I could rest cuz I was feeling ill. And then when I did get up she said "It's OK mommy, I'll help take care of you, and I'll be really good, because you always take care of us." Wow do I love her.

But today is family day so I'm going to scoot. Have a great weekend all.

Conversations with Peanut

"OK Honey time to go to the bus stop. Do you need a Hat?"

"No Mama, Hey why are you putting my bother's hat on?"

"Because I'm bringing him with us."

"Oh"

5 Minutes Later.

"Kay babe gimme hugs, I'm going to head back to the house, you're little brother is getting cold."

"NOOOO MOM!"

"Why not?"

"I need you to protect my ponytails!"

hehehehehehehe That kid cracks me up.

Spin Cycle: Me, Myself, and who the hell are you!

So as requested this blog is supposed to be about me (and only me). I find that so hard to do as I have so many roles that I "play". They cover Daughter, sister, mother, wife and just me. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish cuz the lines can get blurred. and each of those roles has subcategories. But when I think about me only a few things come to mind. Mostly old things. I think I miss myself.

I used to sing, not just sing but SING. On stage, crowd applause, humming, thrumming, moving Singing that evoked all kinds of emotions in me. And now I don't. Oh I'm not saying that I never crack a note. Just that it's been reduced to singing with the radio and singing soft lullabies to half awake kidlets. And I miss it. I didn't even notice how much until a few years ago when I joined the community theater for their musical, and then it all came rushing back. I've thought of joining community choir, I know some guys who are in it, but problem is I want to be the star. I want a mass of fawning adoring fans all clamoring for me to sing "just one more song!" However, in retrospect I'm not sure any throng would sound as sweet as hearing that same phrase coming from my Peanut.

I also used to be braver. I didn't care what anybody thought of me. I would walk right up to people and let them know what I thought. Or ask them where they got something. Or what have you. I let this be trained out of me over the years. By people who made me feel stupid for asking questions, or others who didn't have time to give me a proper response. I'm trying to come out of this odd fear. I keep reminding myself that I spent 18 years being outspoken and wild, yes that means I've had ten years to be all meek and mousy, but that vivacious me was there longer. I should just have to dig her out. right?

I've been doing a lot of personal searching since my mom died. (I hate typing that. It's so final. The term dead, or died. There are so many softer ways to say it. But the truth is that she died, she is not here). I've been searching for who I am so that I can live a life free from regret, free from fear, free from anything that inhibits my limited time in this world. (I'm not trying to be fatalistic, just realistic, we aren't here forever, no matter what we may wish). That means a lot of finding the whys. And some of that is hard to analyze.

In the sub title of my blog it states that I'm a tiger mama. This is a term that my sister coined. It's a way that she uses to describe those of us mothers who would fight to the death for our kids. (and yes that is many of us) but there is something more to it than that, much more. In my mind it's about being fearless in facing the world, showing your children that while you would do anything to protect them, you also want to show them how to protect themselves. How to begin as they plan to continue. And to quote the Hatter from the new "Alice in Wonderland" I think I have lost my "muchness".

I'd like nothing better than to work it all out right here and now. But the truth is that the time for self analysis is minimal. Between chores and caring for kids, errands and work, there is little time to sit and ponder my id, ego and whatnot. I think that right now it's enough that I know I have things to work on. That I'm not just going to brush those parts of me under the table, I'm going to work on digging them out and rediscovering them.

For more Spins check out Sprite's Keeper.

RTT: Alone at last...Maybe

Today and yesterday have been rather relaxing days. I really haven't done much. I should have, I need to. but there is something about not having my Peanut that makes me think I'm OK to slack off. And I guess I really should take advantage of it because soon enough my Nugget is going to be older and in need of even more attention so I won't have such respites of time. 

I do wish that the boy-o would sleep more tho. His dad and I have gotten in the bad habit of cuddling him to bed and he's so used to it he often won't sleep unless we're holding him. I've been trying to break him of this, but it's so hard when he and peanut share a room and he wakes her up with crying. There is really nothing left to do but pick him up and take him out at 2 am so that she can be well rested for school the next day. 

Today I actually did do some productive things. I cleaned 4/5 of my house and did some work calls. I spent a long time talking to my dad which I haven't done in forever and it was nice to do. I even took a half hour walk with Nugget out in the sunshine and enjoyed the fresh air. 

I keep wanting to toss all the windows wide and leave them that way all day I'm so anxious for spring. But it's still to cool out, so I end up doing it for 3-4 hours during the warmest part of the day to renew the air in the house and call it good. 

I went looking on line today at some songs from old movies. I had Hush-a-by Mountain in my head from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and I couldn't remember the words so I had to look it up. I watch it on youtube and was enraptured with Dick Van Dyke's performance all over again. It led me to want to see him sing "Me ol' Bamboo" song again. So I did, and in the first time in forever I FINALLY figured out what they were saying. for years when recalling it I sing. "Me ol' Bamboo, Me ol' Bamboo, yadda yadda yadda, with Me ol' Bamboo!" But the words are "Me ol' bamboo, me ol bamboo, you better never bother with me ol bamboo." I can't believe that it took me this long to figure it out. 

This led me to more childhood favorites like "Stay awake" from Marry Poppins and "Beautiful things" from Doctor Dolittle. There are some things that just get better with time. And no one else can quite do them justice.

Ooooo I also got to go out and get some adult alone time today. It was much needed. The problem being is that it's not really alone time. I mean I can't have the time alone in my house as there is always someone there. So I have to go out into the community to be able to be free from those that reside in my house. And this inevitably puts me back around people. It is so rare that I get a minute to myself for real that it can get very straining. I think that everybody really should have a place that is all there own, but that's hard when you have kids and have limited money and space. I digress.

My husband and I have been talking about doing some work on the house with the money that we will be getting back with taxes. I'm excited about it. But it's really going to upset the workings of the house to have people in it during the summer. We have so much going on this summer that I'm not sure how we're going to work it in but we will.

I really want spring to be here in full swing. I want to plant my garden so badly I can taste it. I feel bad because I neglected my garden last year due to my mothers passing. At the time I didn't care, and to some extent I still don't. But a tiny part of me regrets  that after 2 years hard work on my garden I let so much of it go and now I'm going to have to start over on some stuff. Oh well every year is a new time for learning what works best in a garden, this year is no different. 

I'd better go as my husband is wondering why I'm taking so long on the computer when I was "just going to hop on and do a quick post". I guess I had more randomness stored up than I thought. For more great random posts check out The Un Mom!

Monday's Muse: Ukranian Easter Eggs

My sister and I started a tradition of doing these a few years back. We have no Ukrainian ancestry (that we know of), we just find them to be exceedingly beautiful and a good creative outlet.

Unfortunately these aren't a picture of mine as my camera is not currently working....but you get the idea.

Lists, loves, and reminiscing

The last few days have been heck-tic, but that's fairly usual here. Lately I've been so forgetful. I have lists upon lists scattered throughout my house that I fail to grab, so don't remember to do what's on them. It's rather frustrating. I've been trying to get ready for the weekend as I'll be gone for 12 hours each Saturday and Sunday yet again. Thankfully as I put in my two weeks it's the last time that I will have to do so. I'm a little nervous as my husband is only working a temp job right now. And while I'm doing Pampered Chef work I'm not yet at that point where it's really lucrative yet. I have to build a client base first and that's a way from happening. Not to mention that in a small town like Hutch having one or two other consultants really narrows the field. That's OK. I'll just keep on keeping on as per usual and fake it til I make it. *laughs* Also there was a flier sent out from my daughters school for reading tutors for next year that I'm REALLY interested in. So I have to remember to check into that on Mon. I'll have to add it to the list. *grins*

In other news I was thinking about how I've been so busy trying to figure out how to juggle 2 kids lately and how I feel like I'm constantly not appreciating them. So I'm going to take a minute here and write some things about them that I LOVE and don't want to forget.

My peanut is so beautiful. I love how she makes up songs about EVERYTHING. She is so funny. I love that she makes me have to really think about the answers that I give her. She uses these great big words that sound absolutely adorable coming out of her mouth. She wants so badly to be and adult everything she does is an imitation. The other day she hiked her purse up on her arm and flipped her hair over her shoulder (such a girl) I love her smile and the wild way she flings herself at me to hug me, full on body slam. I love the way her slender arms wrap around me when I carry her in her sleep and the sleepy things she mumbles (last night it was about trampolines!). I always want to remember the way that her eyes light up at a new game and how she thinks that I'm the "best mom ever" because I got her dollar store lip gloss. She is so brilliant. I am amazed listening to her sound out words as SHE now reads our bedtime stories to me. And I think she's the best girl in the world when I here her over the monitor cooing to her baby brother, giving him toys, singing him songs and tickling him to try to cheer him up when he's sad. She's the best 5 year old I know.

Nugget is my sweetest boy. I love how he can be crying but the minute I pick him up he's off like a switch and all smiles. I love his laugh. Sometimes he'll laugh just because his dad or I walk into a room. I love how he's growing so strong. He scoots EVERYWHERE now. And he's so anxious to be a big boy. He watches us all while we eat or do chores like hes storing every move we make for later. I love when he's punch drunk tired and all loopy and giggle-some. He's so sweet when he's cranky and just nuzzles right into my neck or shirt like he can force himself closer to me and that will make it all better. I love when he reaches out with his little baby hand and just strokes my face like he's trying to memorize it. He is obsessed with my phone and wants to grab it every time I use it, so much so that I have it on speaker phone 99% of the time now. I look at him and can't believe how beautiful he is.

I am a very lucky mama to have two such awesome kids.

 Last night I lay in bed reminiscing with  my husband about how we met. Or more what we felt when we first really noticed each other. It was nice to lay there and remember why I fell for the big goon in the first place. Sometimes in the daily grind and the petty arguments I forget that he's one of the sweetest men I've ever met. Sometimes he can be so practical that I want to tear my hair out, but I forget that's why I wanted him in the first place, because I'm not logical and I sometimes need someone to bring me back down to earth. And he makes me laugh, lord does the man make me laugh. And I think that's important, laughter. Being able to laugh not only with each other, but at life and at myself. Also sometimes I forget how supportive he his. There are times when he doesn't act like it, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty he's on my side 100% and I need that. 

I've noticed in my life that I need a whole cheering section just to get things done. It's not that I procrastinate (though I do) and it's not that I don't want to complete tasks, it's just that no matter what, I have this under lying doubt of my own abilities. And if I don't have someone there singing "rah rah rah's" to me I tend to think I'm no good. I didn't used to feel that way so I know it's a total lie but it's one that FEELS true. So something I have to work on.

Well this blog has meandered on longer than I anticipated so I should go get my ass to bed as I have to wake up FAR too early tomorrow. *gah* I can't wait for Monday.

Darn.

I had thought to make this a random thought tuesday blog... but  it is sadly now wednesday and that no longer works. *foo* So  you'll just have to enjoy my randomness now at midnight thirty. So here it goes.

I hate (loath, detest and despise) daylight savings. I think it is useless and pointless and bothersome. It's a sham that has us believing that we have a handle on things like light and time. I'm hear to tell you that that is a crock. I think we should just leave the damn thing alone and at the end of the year it will all work out fine. (and none of this in anyway has to do with the fact that I forgot to change my clocks yet again)

I've been feeling off my game lately. It could do with the time change. OR it could be due to the fact that we've been ill and have spread it around so now I've had my daughter on all the wrong days. Don't get me wrong I LOVE having her. I'm just not used to it on these days so I've been thrown a bit of a curve ball.

In other news I've quit my job. It sucked and I hated it. It was giving me way more stress than I needed and it was leaking all over my family. Not cool. So I'm now free from the world of being an employee and am now just my own boss with Pampered Chef. That thought alone makes me totally jazzed.

I found out recently that my favorite cousin, one of my best friends in the universe is thinking of moving from far away to far far away. And I'm completely sad about it. I mean it doesn't really change anything. We don't get to see each other now. But the idea is there that he's near (ish) and I'm able to visit should I be able. If he moves there's no way short of me becoming an overnight millionaire that I'll see him until he comes home. What a bunch of bunk. But I get why he feels he should and I'd never hold him back. (At least I'd make sure they could never pin it on me *grins*)

I'm so happy that spring appears to be around the corner. It seems like we went from having a shit ton of snow on the ground to none in no time....but my husband says it took a whole month.

oh oh I forgot to share the joy of joys, rapture of raptures. The squirrel that has been invading my house has been captured and sent on it's little tree rat way. Thank god for live traps. It left a parting gift of poo on my van floor. But ding dong the squirrel is gone! whooot!

I never intended to be up this late posting, but I did that thing were I stayed up to spend time with my husband last night and so when I put the kids to bed tonight I passed out with them for an impromptu nap. So here I am wide awake and sharing  my thoughts with the void that is the internet.

Alas my son has awoken and wants me to feed him or something, so I should get on that. I hope that this has been an enlivening bit of random for you and that your wednesday is great.

Manday's Muse

I absolutely love this show (Glee), and this singer (Mark Salling). It makes me miss my days in arts school.

And on the seventh day.......

Today's been so nice. I got to sleep in a little, then got up to care for the kids. Peanut and I did a great art project and she showed me how great she can do when she actually takes the time to do things carefully. She's in such a rush for everything. She desperately wants to be a grown up and do all the things that we do. And it drives me crazy trying to explain to her that she needs to wait, that it's good to be a kid and just hang out and have fun. But I digress.

So after time together I decided that it was time to clean the house as it was falling to disrepair again. As I went to make my bed I tripped and caught my pinky toe ripping the pad off the bottom of it. OWWWWWW! I bled everywhere, so more clean up for me. Three band-aids later I resumed my cleaning. At noon we had friends come over and so started a really fun day.

My husband and I did the last touches on cleaning the kitchen as our guests chatted. Then he, our friends AND my Peanut went out to get lunch and dinner supplies. Bliss! Alone in the house with just Nugget and he was sleeping! ahh sweet quite time. I spent it puttering, but man it was great. It was sooo nice out that I went around the house opening all the windows to let in the fresh air.

I can't believe the amount of snow melt in the last week. The ground is suddenly showing and my bulbs are pushing through under my windows. I'm so excited for spring I hardly dare to wish as I might curse our good luck.

Anyway, they all came back with oddles of food, and I got to cooking. I LOVE it when my house is full of people and I have noise and company. It doesn't happen enough. We had a lunch of pizza followed by brownies that my girl and I whipped up and baked in my pampered chef stoneware. I hadn't done brownies in them before and they turned out SOOO absolutely delicious. Soft and warm and wonderfully chocolatey. 

We played card games, chatted about inane things and shared in-jokes. Peanut was a great girl, she even joined in in a game or two. 

I think the only tough part of the day was when we had to do the kids bath times. In our house we have a very small water heater. So after my husband and I showering for the day and doing a load of laundry we were on cold for the rest of the day. To get the kids clean we handled it old school and boiled huge pots of water on the stove, then poured them into the bath and let them cool. Peanut thought it was so funny and strange, but she loved the warm water. 

Dinner prep was a group affair and we made a huge meal. Hamburgers, salad, cheesy scalloped potatos from scratch, and creamy fruit salad with homemade whipped cream. It was delicious and we had more than we could ever handle. 

After dinner it was bedtime for the kids. And I'm afraid that I fell asleep with them, but it was nice to wake up and have my honey and our very good friend ensconced on the couch watching a movie. 

And now at the end of the day all I'm felling is relaxed and happy. For the first time in a very long time.

And the beat goes on...

I know I know. It has been almost a week since I wrote a blog... but I've got a very good reason. This last week my house hosted the plague (or at least a stomach flu doing it's best to compeate with one).

It started innocently enough, CT called me on Mon to say that my Peanut was sick and could I visit cuz she wanted mommy for a bit (nice thing about small towns #116). So I hop in the car and go over for a evening visit hauling Nugget along. Once there I'm invited to have dinner as well. As I'm never one to turn down free food, I stay. We convince my sweet sweet Peanut to have some bites of bland baked potato, as nothing (not even water) has managed to stay in her stomach all day. BAD IDEA. 30 min later as I'm gently hugging her good bye my poor girl gets ill all over me.

After cleaning her, soothing her, and hugging her yet again I head home in my borrowed shirt and take my second shower of the day. I then feed and snuggle my Nugget to bed and tuck him in his crib. Puttering about I spend time with my husband until he has to go to work. Just as the lovely man is walking out the door I hear the unmistakeable sound of my baby boy being ill, his nuk flying from his mouth to clatter to the floor. I rush in to swoop him up only to have him be sick all over me. Striping him down I plunk he and I in a bath (me still in my jammies no less). Once we're ALL clean I bring him to bed with me so I can monitor him.

At 4am I wake up with that queasy feeling..... I won't go into the gory details, but it wasn't pleasant and it wasn't pretty. I spent Tues and Weds literally crawling from my bed to the bathroom pushing a bowl in front of me just in case.

And because the husband came home that morning sick too, guess who called her daddy to come and take care of the family. That's right, it was me. I don't think I've ever felt that ill in my life. It made me miss my mama even more.

Thursday was spent attempting to rediscover the house and Friday I went for a much needed visit to my oldest sister. She gave me sage advice, fed me fudge striped cookies, and in general reminded me that life is never as bad as you think it is.

Today I spent even more time on chores (because I discovered I had no clean clothes....everyone else did, just not me), filled my cupboards, visited my dad (had to make sure the plague had skipped him), held my first solo Pampered Chef show (yeah me!), and made my very first resume. Not a bad day if I do say so myself.

FYI the squirrel is STILL in my basement! I don't think the live trap will ever work. I'm going to end up with squirrel grand babies in my walls.

Woo Hoos and Dear Lords

I have been given the advice by many that perhaps I am trying to take on too much too fast. And that I need to take things one day at a time. So in the spirit of trying to be more intelligent I'm just going to do my best. I'm going to try to do what I can each day and be grateful for it. And maybe even alternate some goals or something to make stuff easier. So here's a big Woo Hoo to me for getting 2 goals done today!

I don't really have much to write as I was at work today. But I'm happy to be home. Happy to see my sweet baby boy. Missing my sweet and sassy girl. And currently listening to my sister on the phone watch Alice from Sci Fi Channel (I refuse to spell it the new illiterate way). It's so funny to hear her quote "crazy as a box of frogs" over and over.

On a small side bar I have really been loving Sci Fi's remakes of old classics like The Wizard of Oz as Tin Man and Alice in Wonderland as Alice. I think they have done a great job twisting them on their ear and making them new again. P.s. Hatter in Alice in the BEST thing since ever. LOOVVE him.  He is sooo Tasty!

In another side bar I really want to see the new Alice in Wonderland out in theaters. So I'm thinking of convincing my husband into taking me out for a date. Speaking of him I should go pay attention to him as I promised to play a board game with him, and we invited a friend over to do so.

In conclusion in looking on-line it was discovered that squirrels tend to come into warm houses in the winter when they are looking for a place to have babies!!!!

Dear lord help me now. No naked tree rats!

MUST. GET. SQUIRREL. TRAP.

All work and no play makes Elle very tired.

I went to work today and did a 12 hour shift as per usual. I hate the fact that while I'm gone my kids lives go on...I know that sounds selfish or odd. I just hate being gone and not knowing if they are hungry or lonely or missing me. Or hell just happy and playful. I hate missing out on moments of their lives. Time goes too quickly. You blink and years pass. Over night your kids go from sweet quite babies to loud crazy children that you can't even believe you love as much as you do. Because the love grows Exponentially. You have them and you think that your heart is just overflowing with love. But then each day you love them more and more. And the worst part is the more they grow, the more you love them, and the more you have to let them go. From the minute they are born we are giving them up bit by bit as they become more independent. At the moment however, my son needs me. So I'll close with two things.

1. I did 2 goals today (exercise and blogging) yeah me.

2. There is a squirrel in my basement....no I'm not kidding.

Goodnight.

I Get an F

Yesterday I accomplished not one of my goals. Not even close. Nope didn't happen. The day just seemed to disappear on me. And the worst part is that if I had been on top of my game I would have made them happen. But as usual I was a scatter brained moppet and things just fell to bits.

For instance, yesterday I went out for a meal and a bitch fest with my Ex's mom. She's the best ever. I love her to bits. So I get to Applebee's and seated right behind us are a bevy of the women that I used to have LPN classes with. A perfect opportunity to meet my goal of 3 PC contacts. But I say nothing, just smile politely and don't intrude on their conversation. (mostly because I felt intimidated be them because they had gone on in the course so must be smarter than me....) So missed goal #1. Also the waitress was supper nice and talkative, missed opportunity #2. I got home from my luncheon about an hour before having to get my daughter from school. Instead of exercising I puttered on the computer setting up my digital picture frame (that has admittedly been sitting vacant since Christmas, but still). So there goes my exercise time. Home with the kidlets they proceed to drive me too distraction so that by bed time I'm so exhausted I decide to crash right after they are asleep. There by not doing my blog, my hour of Pampered Chef work, OR my hour of story writing. Suck Suck Suck. To top it off my husband curled up next to me and woke late for his midnight shift. Not that it's my fault, just an added twist to the suckdom.

Today wasn't much better. I woke to my son crying to be fed, which woke my daughter (as they share a room) and started my day then and there at 7am. I foolishly had them pile into bed with me thinking to gain more shut eye. But it just resulted in squirming baby's, no sleep for any and a frustrated mama. At 8am my husband came home for a quick change so that he could scoot to an interview. He wanted to wear a his suit (the one that we bought for our wedding that at the time he said "Why do I have to buy a suit, when am I ever going to need it again?" to which I'd replied "Well maybe an interview". He scoffed at me....Well who's scoffing now smartty pants! Sometimes it's difficult to be right all the time *grins*.)

My lovely daughter seeing how nice he looked decided that it was fancy day and put on an Easter dress that my mom bought her last year. (It's getting tight and it's killing me that my kids are growing out of the last things that we got from her). So deciding that it would be fun to play along I got fancy too. This took much longer than I intended as I don't often get fancy anymore, so my skills are rusty. Once we (the kids and I) were all dressed for the day, I herded us out the door so I could drop the kids at a friend, run get the ex, and go to my Peanut's school conferences. They went well and I was chatting companionably with the ex. when work called. My boss proceeded to chew me out for minor infractions (being 5 minutes late my last shift when I haven't been late in almost 4 months or more) and the like. After getting off the phone with her feeling surprised and hurt. I tried to keep my cool and then burst into tears. 

The poor ex. (We can't keep calling him that, hum let me think....CT, yeah that's it.) Poor CT tried to console me and then get out of the car as quickly as possible. (He is SUCH a guy). I then called my sister Nan to try to chill out. She helped talk me down despite the sleep cloaking her voice.

Finally back at my friends I reoriented to attempt a better day. She and I had a nice lunch with the kids, And then went our separate ways to do errands. I was so addled by the days events that I forgot diapers... I mean really I work two 12 hours this weekend and we've got only 10 left at home...I officially need a new brain. 

At home the kids pulled the ol' on and off game. You know the one. It's where if one was quiet and happy the other was whining or crying. At 5pm I lost it at both of them. My husband woke from his slumber and came to intervene. I hollered at him, He hollered at me, I burst into tears again...WTF. He took over dinner while I attempted to take a five minute break. (Peanut wouldn't let me...she even followed me into the bathroom...I had to lock her out, I mean really I don't know how to make her understand boundries). Anyway after that things went a little better. 

But now it's 9pm, I have to go shopping for diapers, and other than this post I've failed my goals yet again today....Perhaps I'll try to fit in some PC work, But I don't know, I'm feeling a little physically and emotionally worn. TTFN.

Wild Angry Storytime

So today has been a hard day for a number of reasons. In my house we don't have manic Mondays, we have wild Wednesdays. Wednesday is transition day. I get my Peanut back at 8:30 am. This typically means that I role out of bed, put on whatever I was wearing the day before, and hop in the freezing car. Once home the insanity begins. She wants me to pay attention only to her. I can't do a chore with out her tagging along. When I'm sitting she wants to be in my lap, and so on and so forth. Now this wouldn't be so much of a problem, if it wasn't for the fact that I have my (almost) 8 month old Nugget who needs much of my time and attention and is also in my lap constantly. Today the eruption was sneaky. We had been having a good day: pic-nic in the kitchen, leggos in the kids room, color wonders at the table. But shortly after gingerly placing my son down in his crib for a nap, I did the unthinkable (this is the sarcastic part folks), I told her NO she could not play her DS. I wanted her to do something more active. Suddenly the flood gates opened, the world ended, it rained brimstone and fire, and a tornado was in the spot my beautiful child had been. The screams of his over tired sister roused my son and soon the house was filled with the symphony of children's wails. Ah glorious Wednesday you aren't complete without me wanting to bash my head against a wall.

As if this wasn't enough for my day, I was ambushed by my Husband. He became irritated at the fact that I needed his assistance with a bill that involved my daughter. Instead of talking it out with me and discussing what was bothering him. He chose to call my ex an make a meeting. One that he told me was going to be about getting her dad to help with the bills, but instead turned in to a lecture on how I was spending money on a luxury and how I needed to consult with them before making these kinds of decisions. (Which I had, but since men have the memory of a f-ing gold fish, and I hadn't told them 80000 times, I of course had never talked to them about it.) I could go into more detail but I'm not going to Husband or Ex bash on my blogs. It's just enough to say that it made me VERY angry and I did not put up with it. Because I do not spend money Willy-Nilly, I never have. And I won't be treated like a kept wife when I pull my weight and then some. Sometimes I'd just like to scream at them until the windows crack and fall in. 

 

Instead I called my sister and in a 5 minute rant tried to blow off all the steam before I ended up using my Pampered Chef knives for something they were never intended for. And just for the icing on the cake, this meeting was called today at dinner, bath, and bed time. Oh yeah I was really happy about that. *arrgghhss* OK I think I'm done with it now...maybe. 

Anyway after the kids were in bed and the Ex went back to his place I sat down with my Husband and let him know that his tactics were NOT appreciated, and that he was supposed to be on MY team, remember? He didn't admit fault but he didn't deny it either. I think a big part of our problems right now stem from lack of communication. It's not an excuse, just an hard reminder that we need to do better. 

On a totally different note I managed to take a shower, eat three full meals and meet most of my goals today without killing anyone (This is where you applaud). In taking Peanut to her dance class I made my three contacts. While she was at dance I rushed home to get in 20 min of exercise. Not the 30 I want but way better than nothing. After the kids were asleep I hopped onto a conference call for Pampered Chef for an hour to learn more about expanding my business. When That was done I did an hour of story work. I've only got 2 pages rewritten and edited, and I didn't want to stop, but it's two more than I had done. And now I've almost finished my blog. I have to say, with the day I had, I'm REALLY proud of me. 

In closing, I'll leave you with an excerpt from my book:

"Sometimes my whole family treats me like I'm dumb. Speaking of dumb, my mom did the lamest thing EVER the other day. She actually divided mine and my sister's room with tape. Can you believe it, TAPE! Who does that?! And all over a little fight with my sister about me taking her stuff without her permission. As if I want her junk. And I didn't bite her that hard. She didn't even bleed. Now if I want to leave the room I have to ask. What a pain! But that's OK. If she wants to get dressed in the morning she had better be nice to me."

 

Grrr

So I'm off to an inglorious start. In writing this post I have accomplished a whole 2 of my daily goals. I foolishly decided to spend time with my husband watching movies tonight before he goes to work. I had thought to stay up late to get things done. But my son has chosen to take a looooonnnggg nap (i.e. early bedtime). There for meaning that I better get my butt to bed and rest before he wakes up. *feh* On the plus side the one goal I did get done was exercise.I say that's a plus as since my mother's passing I have been saying that I want/need to get in better shape. In the long run I would love to lose weight, however right now I'll just aim for healthy. 

On a side note have you ever noticed how damn peppy the b*^&%es on workout videos are? It's so frustrating. I would like just once for them to look like they are actually "feeling the burn". I mean honestly their sing songy sugar sweet voices chanting "and lift and forward, now lift and back" while I pant like I just ran a mile makes me want to barf. And they look so damn happy about spending an hour rolling around on the floor to do their reaching and stretching. I'd like to see them look so glad to do it in my house where animals and kids have done god knows what to the carpet instead of in their pristine studios. But I digress. 

Tomorrow I get my daughter back so lord only knows if I will manage my goals then either, but I'm going to keep plugging away and one day soon I'll actually have a semblance of a schedule again....maybe. Ttfn.

Ooo Ah Just a little bit

I thought that I would take the time while my son is napping to write a more in depth post. I've done blogs on facebook and myspace, but this is the first one that's dedicated to me. So I thought that I would start by saying a little bit about me. As I wrote earlier my older sister is the one that made me start this. I held off for as long as I could as I don't really feel that I have the time for something like this. However my sister won out so here I am.

Now a little about me: I'm now *gasps* 28 years old, and the mother of 2. My first is my sweet and sassy 5 year old girl, Peanut, and my second is my beautiful 7 1/2 month old boy, Nugget. (No those are not their real names but I'm a bit paranoid so it'll have to do for now *grins*) My daughter has a different father than my son, but thankfully he and I (mostly- and I stress that word) get along. I'm married and live in a cozy 2 bedroom home in a small town that some would call "quaint" but to me it's home. Within the confines of our house reside myself, my husband, my 2 children, a cat called Mischief, a goldfish, 2 hermit crabs, and a partridge in a pear tree.

I currently work as a PCA (personal care assistant) in a great group home. I actually have my LPN degree but I haven't had luck finding a job that is flexable enough to work with my husband's swing shift schedule. So as a stop gap I've started selling pampered chef products. I'm excited about it but nervous as well. As I feel like I have no handle at all on life right now.

I've been trying to get my footing ever since I had my son this summer. A month later I felt I was starting to get things under control when my mom suddenly passed away and threw mine and my sisters lives into turmoil. It's been 6 months and I still feel lost without her. But as life goes on I've been slowly trying to rebuild my handle on things.

So to start off my blog I've decided to set some goals that I can post about in the future.

1. Make 3 Pampered Chef work contacts a day
2. Do 1 Hour of Pampered Chef training a day
3. Do 1 Hour of NaNoWriMo story work a day
4. Do 1 blog per day
5. Exercise 1/2 hour a day
6. Do one scrapbook page a day

That's about 4 hours of time that I need to parcel out to myself a day. I'm not sure that I can do it with the 2 kids, husband, etc. But I'm going to do my very best (starting tomorrow). Hope you're here to keep me on task.

Testing, testing , one, two, three

My sister convinced me that I needed a blog...just one more thing to add to my already hecktic life. But as per usual I'll do as she nags and I'm sure (as per usual) enjoy every minute of it. This is a test to determine if my page is working the way I want and all that jazz. So forgive me if it's not more involved.