quick update.

laundry is in the dryer. word count is 18217. this kid is due in 3 and a half weeks. where did all my time go... *falls asleep on desk*

So tired.

As mentioned before, my kids are sick this week. As am I. My husband doesn't seem to be yet. But due to work he's either sleeping or AT work, so isn't of much help in this instance anyway. And I'm getting worn. I felt so bad when I sent my sick and tired girl right back up after she came down the stairs complaining yet again about something not being perfect for her bedtime (it was the blankets this time around). I'm just to pregnant, overworked, ill and tired to go up and down the stairs over and over. Part of me says "Hey suck it up! She's sick and needs her Mommy." and another part (the one that won tonight) says "She's six dude, she can straighten her own blankets, and you've already tucked her in, twice." Sometimes I really would like to be Wonder Woman...but I've had to let that go. Don't think I could stay sane if I didn't.(I may still try to get a pair of her very awesome, fashionable and functional indestructible bracelets tho.)

In NaNo news. I'm at 13,741 words. As my beloved Muppets say "moving right along." :)

Evil Weather

What is with this wackado season? Can anyone tell me? It's mid November and we're having like 50 to 60 degree weather. It's not right. And it's messing with my system. My whole household is sick, everyone I talk to is sick. I lost 2 days of Nano to sickness. I just got over some odd flu, stomach thing, and now I think I'm getting the strep my daughter has. I've had it. I don't know if it's Global warming or what, but it's got to stop. You hear me Mother Nature?! I'm talking to you lady! Knock it off already. Pick a damn season and stick with it you wishy-washy female you! :p (OK so being sick doesn't bring out the mature in me. So sue me.) I'm at 11928 words in Nano which is 3077 BEHIND where I'm supposed to be. Fooy Fooy Fooy! That's right I said Fooy and I meant Fooy! Fooy!

ung.

I think that this pregnancy is finally starting to get to me. At 35 weeks along I'm starting to feel like my feet are dragging all the time. Today especially. For the first time in forever I turned of my alarm and DIDN'T get out of bed, causing me to fall back asleep and not wake up until 8:30 when my daughter was supposed to be in school. So doing my best to get her out the door in decent time and get her fed and ready as well, I went to my husband to ask if he could watch the boy for 15 minutes so I didn't have to haul him along. I got some long whiny story about only having 5 hours of sleep, so had to take the extra time to bundle to squirming boy-o and haul him out to the van... that's getting harder and harder to do. The rest of the day went in a like fashion for some reason. I think it's cuz the late waking just threw my schedule. But on a high note, I'm at 8466 words for NaNo and while I'm horribly tired, I'm very excited for my baby shower tomorrow. So my bedtime now. Here's hoping I don't sleep in again and do manage to get my house clean for company. :)

It has begun.

Yes! NaNoWriMo is here. I have been waiting forever for this day. (OK only a year) But seriously, I love it. Already today I have ignored the pick up and the vacuuming, the sweeping and moping, to sit at the computer in our dungeon of a basement and type my first 1490 words while my son has slept. I type this as his first squeaks of wakefulness eke over the monitor. Waiting impatiently for the NaNo site to load, let me sign in and record my glorious accomplishment. Poor over worked and loved NaNo site I feel for you. I really do. All of us insane typists vieing for your attention in our mad quest to write 50,000 words in just one short month. Chaos! But oh the joy! Oh the glory you bring!
This year I must be diligent and on top of my game. There is no knowing when this 3rd child may choose to join the haphazardness that is our household. Soooo... *fingers crossed* I'll get my 50,000 in before he gets OUT. *grins*

Halloween!

Ah tis the season to get candy! I love Halloween. Despite the fact that we have completely commercialized it. I love the crisp smell of fall and the gorgeous colors of the trees. I love seeing teeny kids dressed up in adorable costumes that make you want to sqwee. I love how people just open their door and great you with a smile, then hand you kindness in the form of chocolate. (ok so maybe that's stretching it, but still...) I also think it's great that Halloween is something different for everyone, it's the most diverse holiday that I can think of. And I love that tomorrow I will go to the store and get costumes for the kidlets for next year (oh god i'm going to have 3 by then!) at half off. It's just good times all around. (Also tomorrow... I shall write for the NaNo again!!!! Whoot!)

NaNoWriMo

So I know that I've been out of the loop of the blogging world. This has been mostly due to the my computer dying on me and the insanity of life. BUT There is light at the end of the tunnel! I have been inspired again. As it is NaNoWriMo time yet again!!! Therefor I shall endeavor to keep you all informed of my progress which I'm sure that you are not all that interested in but will have to put up with 'cuz you love me....or i hope you do. :p

Little Update.

So I've dropped off the face of the earth a bit. I've been dealing with a lot at home and not very well. I did that thing where I cleaned up a bit and cuz the house is so cluttered put the computer away so it was out of the way. Sad thing is that I'm really an out of sight out of mind person and before I knew it weeks had passed. I'm not sure that I'll do better in the days to come. But I will try not to forget so completely again.

In other news. Peanut is almost done with school. I long for warm weather and not all the cold wet rain we've been getting. Nugget is growing by leaps and bounds. And there is still never enough time in a day.

TTFN.

Meaning.....

Ahhh it's Spin time. I've been thinking about this one a lot through the last week. For a while all that I came up with was

"wheel of morality turn, turn, turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn." "turny, turny, turny, turny."

Which tells you that my brain wasn't really in the contemplations for a while. (For those of you that are wondering that's from Animaniacs).

However, I think I now know the direction that I want this to take.

Think about words. Where did they come from? Why do we have so many that mean the same thing? How do we know that the words that we are using are the correct ones? Who came up with what means what?

Well the most basic answer is that most words originate from Latin basis. But not all. And where did the Latin language originate? When you think about it often a word comes from someone just making it up. I do it often when I can't find the right words to say what I want. So who's to say that didn't happen umpteen whatsits years ago.

I think that often we need so many words to say the same thing because we put different variances on them, or we want to be original, we want our words to be remembered. So we use descriptive words that make us unique to someone else. But think about it do we really need this excess of words. Chew, Masticate, Gnaw. Pretty, Beautiful, Stunning, Gorgeous. Flashy, Flamboyant, Glittery, Bling. And so on. How did so many words come about?? What's the reasoning behind all the descriptive words we use. Heck we even have words to describe WORDS! Flowery, Romantic, Terse, Glib, Flowing.

Also I've often sat awake on insomniatic nights and wondered to myself how we know that what we are calling things is what we were intended to. Think about it. At some point someone chose to write down a dictionary of language. A chart of what words meant. But what if once the master copy was done what if it was handed off to a lackey to make copies of. Often copiers weren't required to be able to read. They just had to make a copy of what was written..And who's to say they didn't get messed up down the line. We've all done it, just bumped that second column up one and suddenly it doesn't match what's in the first column. So now the description for a door is across from the word chair....how are we to know the difference. I know that there are ways to prove me wrong in written history somehow. But that's what I'm talking about, the unwritten history, what came before we put it all in some kind of log.

I'm rambling a bit I know. However, I think that what I'm getting at is this. We all have our own personal language. And it is the intention behind the words that gives them power. (My Nana only ever called my Grandpa "Richard" in my hearing, But she had about 50 different ways of inflecting on it that let you know exactly how she was feeling). There is no right or wrong way to use words or speak. The goal is communication. And if you can communicate with someone, well you are lucky. So think before you speak think of the words you are using and why. Think of the impact they will have on the people around you. Words have the potential to change the world. Because even the tiniest ripple (like that new phrase you came up with just yesterday) can become a wave. Words are just words yes, but how you use them, the inflection you put behind them, the raw meaning is all part of what is being communicated.

For more great Spins about words check out Sprite's Keeper!

Random Though Tuesday: Shows, and Painting, and Rain oh my.

Last night I did a Pampered chef show. It was awesome. I had the best hostess. She did everything that you are supposed to do. she got outside orders before hand. She invited tons of people and followed up with them by calling. She had a great turn out. And she is going to get a handful of more orders by tracking down people who said they would. And you know why because she knows that the more sales that she has the more free and discounted items she gets. I love her to death. I think it was my best show yet and I had tons of fun. I didn't feel awkward or fumbbly at all. HOOORAY!

My son started crawling today. Not just his army crawl, not just a few little tries here and there, but all out across the living room crawling. I'm in so much trouble.

I started painting my hallway today. It's going to be a very pale green. I wanted something that was more sage-y. But somehow when mixed I got something minty....Oh well. My Husband says that it's all gray to him (he's mildly color blind) :).

I have unearthed my house from the mess that I let it become. It was great today to come out to the living room and see the floor. It was also great to have a table space to eat at...really need to keep up with this whole cleaning thing.

I have to take the cat to the vet today...just a check up but I hate doing it anyway. It's such a hassle. One of these days I need to find a house in the country and just have barn cats or something....ones that roam and aren't "'ours" so I don't have to fee so responsible for them.

that sounded snarky

I also have to take my son in for his 9 month check up. That is also a hassle but one that I'm willing to put up with. He is so damn cute and I can't believe how big he is.

We lay down grass seed just the other day. And then last night it rained something crazy like 3 inches in 3 hours. So my Husband is pissed cuz he thinks all the seed got washed away...i said to give it time. I'm sure it's ok....maybe.

In other news I LOVED that it rained I think that thunderstorms are the best thing ever.

We have a very full week this week. I'm trying to get the house painted and nice (because we may be looking to sell soon). And we are looking at houses. And doing all the chores and errands that come with that. It's not fun as my husband is on midnights this week, means he's loosing sleep and he's a bear.

My son went down for a nap today with out protest. No squeak of indignation at being put down. Just rolled over and conked out. I hope this means that he's getting used to going to bed on his own. And not that he was just too tired today.

I also totally finished painting my entertainment center. I love it. It's cream with stenciling of green ivy on it...I'd put up a picture but that takes too much time right now.

By the by did you know that it's damn difficult to find stencils in stores anymore. Everywhere I look it's all these damn rub-ons. So I just made my own. It was a pain in the ass...but the outcome was fabulous even if I do say so myself.

Well it's time for me to go and get ready for the day. So hope you liked this bit of random. For more awesome random posts check out The Un Mom!

Monday's Muse: Words for thought.

See It Through
by Edgar A. Guest

When you're up against a trouble,
Meet it squarely, face to face;
Lift your chin and set your shoulders,
Plant your feet and take a brace.
When it's vain to try to dodge it,
Do the best that you can do;
You may fail, but you may conquer,
See it through!

Black may be the clouds about you
And your future may seem grim,
But don't let your nerve desert you;
Keep yourself in fighting trim.
If the worst is bound to happen,
Spite of all that you can do,
Running from it will not save you,
See it through!

Even hope may seem but futile,
When with troubles you're beset,
But remember you are facing
Just what other men have met.
You may fail, but fall still fighting;
Don't give up, whate'er you do;
Eyes front, head high to the finish.
See it through!

Pity Party: Table for one?

Today has been better than yesterday. Mostly. See the thing is when you have a BIG problem underlying everything it's hard to just take a day as it is. But I'm trying.

I chose to let my house fall to shambles today. I decided that I needed/deserved a respite. (This means that I can no longer find my favorite slippers or any surface area in the kitchen, but what the hell I'll deal tomorrow).

I woke up lazy today and stayed in bed talking to the Husband before he went to bed. When Peanut arose she piped up that she wanted pancakes. I'm not a big hot breakfast morning mom (I keep trying to be but I'm just not), but I thought you know what pancakes sound yummy. So pancakes we had. Even Nugget. That boy is rejecting "baby" food more and more for "big kid" food. He's only 9 mo for criminitly. That was nice. Then I have a bit of a blank as to what I did. (Oh yeah finished feeding and dressing boy-o and taking shower). I let Peanut watch a TON of Mr Rogers videos on line because really it's Mister Rogers. It's like the one show on the face of the planet that doesn't cause brain rot in kids. (IMO) The Hubby woke up WAAAYYYYY too early so we decided to go do drive bys of the houses we are contemplating looking at to maybe/possibly buy. After that it was lunch at Subway and then an impromptu trip the the movie theater to see "How to Train Your Dragon" (excellent movie). Home again we all hung out in the back yard for and hour-ish before I made a delicious meal of spaghetti-o's and beets. (OK well at least it was sustenance) My husband was going to grab a shower and help put the kids to bed....but he made the mistake of laying down. the dude's had so very little sleep this week I just decided to let him be. I got the kidlets to bed with no fuss from the Nugget and tons from miss sassy Peanut. But over all a decent bedtime.

So see not that bad a day as a matter of fact really good day, almost great. If only this darn personal gray cloud would stop following me I think I'd be able to appreciate it. I know I'm whining but too bad. I need to. I'm just so very mad at the world right now for too many reasons. I'm mad at me and at my Husband. I'm mad at how difficult life is and how no matter how many times I pull myself up there is always something coming at me that I'm not ready to handle. I'll like for just once in my 28 years of life to stand on solid ground. I'd like just one day a whole 24 hours all to myself with no responsibilities. No worrying about kids. No having to pump. No needing to watch alcohol intake. No having to be home at a certain time because I have to make sure everyone else has a life that runs smoothly.

I finally got a hold of my sister and talked with her a bit. She said "Honey, I think you need to come and visit me for a few days." I said "I think I do too. However, on Sunday Peanut has a costume fitting and then goes to her dad's, on Monday I have a doctor's appointment and a show to do, on Tues Mischief goes to the vet and Nugget goes to the Doc, Weds I get Peanut back again AND she has dance, Thursday Peanut has School. How bout Friday?" See this is me running my ass off. And every week is like this. Every time I think I have stuff organized, scheduled, etc. I find that really 24 hours in a day isn't that long at all and I'm out of time yet again.

*bangs head on wall* I'm feeling very bitter right now. This was not THE PLAN. I wasn't going to be some tied down mom. I would NEVER EVER trade my children for anything. But I would really like it if everyone here could just give me a break and I could stop for just a bit. Stop DOING and have a chance just to BE. Just me. Not mom, not wife, not daughter, sister, friend, confidant, jungle gym, storyteller, game maker, and so on, just me, the one, the only, with no substitutions, extensions or refunds. (ohhh look I attempted humor here).

OK my pity party is over for today, come back tomorrow if you want more. (This may be the theme for a while until I work out my issue/s). Hope you can stand it. If not, well don't read for a bit.

Well shit.

Today is hard. In so many ways. And I'm feeling a little lost as I have no one I can really talk to. I don't have a large group of female friends to turn to. My Mom was my go to gal so I'm missing her something awful today. I tried to call my sister but she had a major migraine and couldn't talk. I'm not mad at her or anything, I just feel adrift. I think I need a bigger safety net and I don't really know how to create one. I used to be great at making friends but now it takes me a really long time to trust someone enough to open up about the important things. That doesn't mean that I don't have friends, just that I don't feel comfortable confiding in them (so maybe that makes them only acquaintances). My Husband is great, but there are somethings that he just can't empathize with as he's never had to deal with them. I know I'm not even talking about my problem/s here either, and that's 'cuz I'm not ready to. But I just needed to do something to try and work the emotions out. I'm not sure I'm succeeding. I just want my Mommy.

Novel Names Anyone?

I just did more work on my NaNoWriMo novel and I'm feeling the crunch. I really want to get it done so that I have that lovely copy all my own to put on my book shelf....But I'm worried that I've left it so long that I'm only going to have time for a sloppy edit. Oh well get it done I shall and This November I'll do better. (I hope). I was going to leave an excerpt, but I couldn't find anything that I found funny. Instead I'll ask for help with a book title.

My working title is Baby Steps, But I don't really feel that it fits any more. The story is basically a faux journal of a girl going from about the age of 9 to maybe 20/ 25....(I'm not sure where it will end yet as time is a factor). And all of the difficult things she has to face in her life. This includes her unanswered questions as to what makes an adult. The hope is that the reader will see growth not only in "her" writing style, but in the way she handles the obstacles that present themselves. In essence reducing the questioning factor as she ages. The entries have large gaps of time between them and aren't dated. I want it to feel like going into the attic and finding the journal of someone that you've never met, but feel for none the less.

So give me your suggestions and maybe I'll find something more fitting.

Spin Cycle: Appearances

Appearances.

"Don't judge a book by it's cover"...

"Appearances can be deceiving"...

"Look before you leap"...

All these words of wisdom, and what do they really mean. Well I'm here to tell you....I DON'T KNOW. :)

But I can tell you my take on them.

I feel that in our society we are so geared toward appearances that we are constantly misled and bound to believe ridiculous untruths.

Skinny people are beautiful
People who wear glasses are smart
Handsome = a good partner

And so on and so forth. But the truth is that you really can't tell who someone is by how they look. There is just no way to make that instant judgment, and yet so many of us do.

I remember when I started dating my very 1st boyfriend he was lanky, and wiry, his hair was curly and long, and his mouth was too wide. So many people asked me why I was dating him, what did I see in him? And so I told them the truth, I thought he was beautiful. I had known him for 3 years and his mind and soul were these almost tangible shining things that I could gaze at and become enraptured over. And he took the time to know me. He was one of only 3 people in my life who could often finish my sentences. So, very early on I learned that your perception of a persons appearance can be greatly influenced by getting to know them.

In essence you can meet someone and they may seem just average to begin with, but in getting to know them they can become more beautiful than any super model because you discover their true beauty lying within. The reverse is true too. You can see that Johnny Depp look-a-like walking down the street and think 'Man I've got to get to know HIM!', but then when you do, you find out that he's rude, demeaning, cruel and heartless and before you know it he's looking less and less like Johnny.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't put much stock in appearances. I also do my best not to judge. If someone is out at the store in their pajamas, maybe they're lazy, but maybe just maybe they're having a really tough week. I think I do this because I don't want to be judged that way myself. And as my beloved mother used to say "To assume makes and ASS out of U and ME."

I'd like to say that I'm not influenced by others opinions of me, but that would be telling an untruth. I do care, just not enough to worry about it 24/7. If I'm out of diapers, Nugget just spit up on me and Peanut just slathered my hip with chocolatey/painty/muddy hand prints, *shrugs* I'm not going to worry too much about it until I have more time to care for it. I'm going to get those darn diapers and to hell with whoever feels they can sneer at me and my "slovenlyness" (Is that a word?...Well if not, it is now).

But despite this post I don't think that human kind is suddenly going to change and become more loving and accepting of those who are different.

There is some faulty part of humans that disregards what is different, that puts down what isn't understood and that seems to always wants to be "better" than others. It makes me sad.

So now that I've brought down the WHOLE post I'll write this. People are beautiful. It is our differences that make us not only unique but intriguing. If someone makes you feel like you are less, stop hanging around them. You should only surround yourself with your "beautiful people" those that bolster you up, aid you and love you where you are at.

For more Spins on appearances check out Sprite's Keeper! 

Random Though Tuesday

Hurrah! Today is Random day. Today this totally brings to mind the show iCarly. Mostly because they have a portion on their show called RANDOM DANCING!. If you've never seen it then you won't get how funny it is, but I have to say that even though I'm in my late twenties it always makes me giggle. Something about some of the teeny-bopper shows just makes me happy. I think it's all the bright colors and simplicity.

Speaking of shows that I like I can't wait for gLee to start again. Not to mention Heroes, I really want them to have just one more season! Other than that there isn't much that I really watch...so I guess this section of random is over.

I was painting the entertainment center for my living room the other day and I pulled a pectoral muscle some how, but lord only knows why. I'm begining to feel a little defeated over this project. In looking at it my Husband was all "Oh well, you know I like natural wood colors better." I thought to myself: you know that was something you could have mentioned when I said 'do you think I should paint it?' instead of a noncommittal shrug. Also I'm painting it to match the color that I WANT the living room to be, and since my husband is never home I don't know how doing that project is going to occur.

Moving on I really want to paint my whole house (inside) as it's needed it for a year at least. But now my Husband and I are talking about the possibility of moving in the near future and I'm frustrated that if we do that I'll have just gotten the house and yard to where I want and we'll be leaving. (poo)

In other news, I NEED to get my son on a schedule. I've been messing it up royaly. You see I've gotten so used to doing whatever I need to do when ever that I haven't been staying home and giving him proper time to sleep (during the day). This is also partially due to the fact that my daughter when little was like clockwork and would fall asleep ANYWHERE. So last night I decided to start a schedule for him and instead of always cuddling him I have to let him tough it out. I hate this part when they cry and cry and you feel like the meanest mom on the planet. I know he needs to learn to comfort himself and that I'm not doing him any favors if I don't teach him now, but it still sucks.

I have a Pampered Chef show tonight so this kind of messes up the whole sleep plan. But I'm going to do it again when we get home. I'm really worried about my show tonight. I've only had two on my own so far and one was a great big bomb (I know it sounds like a cop out but it wasn't really my fault as my sister created a kind of self-fulfilling fail of a show). But still I'm nervous and I think I'm going to go and watch the training video like 3 or 4 more times today. I just really want to be a success at something, and I think this can be it if I work for it.

For more Random Thoughts check out The UnMom!

Easter Tidbits.

Today I am recovering from Easter. The kids both got HUGE baskets. I didn't intend for them to be so gigantic, but I have this bad habit of buying a little bit here and a little bit there and before I know it everything is over the top. I did it for Christmas too. I really need to start keeping track. After baskets we just hung out together for a while. It was nice to have that slow and worry free time together with them. It's so rare when they both aren't driving me mad.

After that I took my Peanut to her Dad's so that she could get yet another Easter basket (I know crazy). But I couldn't stop laughing watching her sugared up self run literal circles about his house. It was lunch time and so he kindly invited me out to eat at Subway. It was good to just hang out and chat with him. I really love those moments when he and I can be just friends again, instead of our discussions being reduced to "she had a bath and breakfast, but she's still got homework to do." and the like. It's not that we aren't friendly to each other, quite the contrary, we just don't always have time in our lives for a sit down chat.

Upon returning home I woke my husband so we could go to the In-laws for dinner. It was good to be around adults and have more than one rushed grown up conversation for the day. Home again, home again jiggity jig, Where I began to paint my entertainment center. This is done for 2 reasons. 1. It's all scared and stained and will just look nicer. 2. It should (when I get around to painting the living room) then match the decor. Finally at the end of the night I gained some of that semi-alone time with my husband that we are so vastly lacking. After that it's all just R and R time.

Today I've been having a hard time getting motivated. See the problem with my husbands work schedule is that I always have to get up every morning at the butt crack of dawn with the kids. And I am not a morning person. never have been, never will be. I can count on one hand the number of times since I've had kids that I've gotten to sleep as long as I wanted without being disturbed. Even when my Husband says I can eventually he comes in with some question, or my daughter sneaks past his guard, or heck I've just been in there TOO long and they think that no one can sleep that long. No matter how many times I tell them that I can. 'Kay so that was a long tangent just to say that today I'm worn out, tired, and lazy and don't want to do anything. *laughs*

Oh well. I hope everyone had a great weekend and are feeling more motivated than I. :)

Belated Random Thoughts

Yes there is a trend going on for the moment, deal. Today has been lovely. It's been beautiful out and I've had a very togetherness kind of day with the kids. That could be because I essentially devoted it to them. There has been no errands no running around, no yelling (at least on my part), and I'm always grateful for that. I have always really disliked when I yell. I don't feel like it's the real me who is talking, and it's never pretty.

Anywho, having said that it's been a great day, I'm dreading tonight. My husband works the swing shift and tonight (actually all this week) he's gone in at 8pm. Which means he gets up at dinner, bath and bedtime. You would think this mean that he has time to help me, but not so much when he's got to get his dinner, shower, pack food and prepare for going to work. It totally blows. I end up feeling all alone and help-less (not to be confused with helpless), it's no good. I'm hoping for a good tonight as the kids have been out in the great weather and fresh air always manages to make them conk out.

In other news I fed my Nugget Chef Boyardee mini raviolis today. (I cut them up of course). Even though I know that I would never have done that with my first, I find myself doing all kinds of stuff like that with him. I think after your first child survives and you see that you're a good parent and that bending the rules a little doesn't hurt them you just start to bend them all over. You want some cotton candy? "Sure!" Oreo? "Sure!" Dilly bar? "Why not!" It's just so much easier to give in and let them try it than it is to fight them one armed while you try to do whatever it is you need to.

Also today Nugget took a nap in the middle of the day, one where he actually let me lay him down. It was blissful. I got to nap on the couch while my Peanut watched a movie and then she and I got some alone time before he woke to make cookies. So nice. I hope we can make it a regular thing as my poor Peanut needs more alone time with me.

Oooo in other news I made a canopy for my daughters bed for less than $15! I was only able to do it because she has the bottom of a bunk bed set as her bed. But it is so cool. I got 4 wooden dowels and stuck them in the bunk bed holes. Then I put eye screws on top of those. I bought a few yards of chiffon on sale at Jo Ann's, and tied them at the corners. Last I took some thread, tied it to the center of the fabric then taped that tread to the ceiling. It's not bad if i do say so myself. And she walked in a said "Mom! It's just like Fancy Nancy!" Which made me feel awesome because she LOVES those books.

So there's my bit of random. Hope you all have a great day.

Belated Monday's Muse

So I had planned to put this up on Monday, however, that obviously didn't happen. A few years ago my cousin sent me an e-mail full of pictures like the one I'm about to place in this blog, I was so awed by them and the amount of work that must go into one. I can't imagine having that patience. Nor can I imagine having that amount of alone time. *laughs* My family would never survive if I took time out for it. But I digress.

When I was looking earlier for a picture of Ukrainian Easter eggs, I came across one of these, and was reminded again how very beautiful they are, and how largely I appreciate art and beauty in my life.

Yes that is an egg SHELL, a carved egg shell. Aren't you amazed! Because I always am!

To every thing turn, turn.....

I hate the change of seasons. I, and my family invariably spend at least a month at the begining of each season being ill. I really don't like it. Now we all have a cold. Something that we picked up at ECFE no doubt. The worst part is that I can never take anything because for the past 18 months I've been either pregnant or breast feeding. *gars*

But my daughter was so sweet this morning. She got up, dressed and got breakfast (!) all by herself, (yes it was only yogurt, strawberries and milk but still) so that I could rest cuz I was feeling ill. And then when I did get up she said "It's OK mommy, I'll help take care of you, and I'll be really good, because you always take care of us." Wow do I love her.

But today is family day so I'm going to scoot. Have a great weekend all.

Conversations with Peanut

"OK Honey time to go to the bus stop. Do you need a Hat?"

"No Mama, Hey why are you putting my bother's hat on?"

"Because I'm bringing him with us."

"Oh"

5 Minutes Later.

"Kay babe gimme hugs, I'm going to head back to the house, you're little brother is getting cold."

"NOOOO MOM!"

"Why not?"

"I need you to protect my ponytails!"

hehehehehehehe That kid cracks me up.

Spin Cycle: Me, Myself, and who the hell are you!

So as requested this blog is supposed to be about me (and only me). I find that so hard to do as I have so many roles that I "play". They cover Daughter, sister, mother, wife and just me. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish cuz the lines can get blurred. and each of those roles has subcategories. But when I think about me only a few things come to mind. Mostly old things. I think I miss myself.

I used to sing, not just sing but SING. On stage, crowd applause, humming, thrumming, moving Singing that evoked all kinds of emotions in me. And now I don't. Oh I'm not saying that I never crack a note. Just that it's been reduced to singing with the radio and singing soft lullabies to half awake kidlets. And I miss it. I didn't even notice how much until a few years ago when I joined the community theater for their musical, and then it all came rushing back. I've thought of joining community choir, I know some guys who are in it, but problem is I want to be the star. I want a mass of fawning adoring fans all clamoring for me to sing "just one more song!" However, in retrospect I'm not sure any throng would sound as sweet as hearing that same phrase coming from my Peanut.

I also used to be braver. I didn't care what anybody thought of me. I would walk right up to people and let them know what I thought. Or ask them where they got something. Or what have you. I let this be trained out of me over the years. By people who made me feel stupid for asking questions, or others who didn't have time to give me a proper response. I'm trying to come out of this odd fear. I keep reminding myself that I spent 18 years being outspoken and wild, yes that means I've had ten years to be all meek and mousy, but that vivacious me was there longer. I should just have to dig her out. right?

I've been doing a lot of personal searching since my mom died. (I hate typing that. It's so final. The term dead, or died. There are so many softer ways to say it. But the truth is that she died, she is not here). I've been searching for who I am so that I can live a life free from regret, free from fear, free from anything that inhibits my limited time in this world. (I'm not trying to be fatalistic, just realistic, we aren't here forever, no matter what we may wish). That means a lot of finding the whys. And some of that is hard to analyze.

In the sub title of my blog it states that I'm a tiger mama. This is a term that my sister coined. It's a way that she uses to describe those of us mothers who would fight to the death for our kids. (and yes that is many of us) but there is something more to it than that, much more. In my mind it's about being fearless in facing the world, showing your children that while you would do anything to protect them, you also want to show them how to protect themselves. How to begin as they plan to continue. And to quote the Hatter from the new "Alice in Wonderland" I think I have lost my "muchness".

I'd like nothing better than to work it all out right here and now. But the truth is that the time for self analysis is minimal. Between chores and caring for kids, errands and work, there is little time to sit and ponder my id, ego and whatnot. I think that right now it's enough that I know I have things to work on. That I'm not just going to brush those parts of me under the table, I'm going to work on digging them out and rediscovering them.

For more Spins check out Sprite's Keeper.

RTT: Alone at last...Maybe

Today and yesterday have been rather relaxing days. I really haven't done much. I should have, I need to. but there is something about not having my Peanut that makes me think I'm OK to slack off. And I guess I really should take advantage of it because soon enough my Nugget is going to be older and in need of even more attention so I won't have such respites of time. 

I do wish that the boy-o would sleep more tho. His dad and I have gotten in the bad habit of cuddling him to bed and he's so used to it he often won't sleep unless we're holding him. I've been trying to break him of this, but it's so hard when he and peanut share a room and he wakes her up with crying. There is really nothing left to do but pick him up and take him out at 2 am so that she can be well rested for school the next day. 

Today I actually did do some productive things. I cleaned 4/5 of my house and did some work calls. I spent a long time talking to my dad which I haven't done in forever and it was nice to do. I even took a half hour walk with Nugget out in the sunshine and enjoyed the fresh air. 

I keep wanting to toss all the windows wide and leave them that way all day I'm so anxious for spring. But it's still to cool out, so I end up doing it for 3-4 hours during the warmest part of the day to renew the air in the house and call it good. 

I went looking on line today at some songs from old movies. I had Hush-a-by Mountain in my head from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and I couldn't remember the words so I had to look it up. I watch it on youtube and was enraptured with Dick Van Dyke's performance all over again. It led me to want to see him sing "Me ol' Bamboo" song again. So I did, and in the first time in forever I FINALLY figured out what they were saying. for years when recalling it I sing. "Me ol' Bamboo, Me ol' Bamboo, yadda yadda yadda, with Me ol' Bamboo!" But the words are "Me ol' bamboo, me ol bamboo, you better never bother with me ol bamboo." I can't believe that it took me this long to figure it out. 

This led me to more childhood favorites like "Stay awake" from Marry Poppins and "Beautiful things" from Doctor Dolittle. There are some things that just get better with time. And no one else can quite do them justice.

Ooooo I also got to go out and get some adult alone time today. It was much needed. The problem being is that it's not really alone time. I mean I can't have the time alone in my house as there is always someone there. So I have to go out into the community to be able to be free from those that reside in my house. And this inevitably puts me back around people. It is so rare that I get a minute to myself for real that it can get very straining. I think that everybody really should have a place that is all there own, but that's hard when you have kids and have limited money and space. I digress.

My husband and I have been talking about doing some work on the house with the money that we will be getting back with taxes. I'm excited about it. But it's really going to upset the workings of the house to have people in it during the summer. We have so much going on this summer that I'm not sure how we're going to work it in but we will.

I really want spring to be here in full swing. I want to plant my garden so badly I can taste it. I feel bad because I neglected my garden last year due to my mothers passing. At the time I didn't care, and to some extent I still don't. But a tiny part of me regrets  that after 2 years hard work on my garden I let so much of it go and now I'm going to have to start over on some stuff. Oh well every year is a new time for learning what works best in a garden, this year is no different. 

I'd better go as my husband is wondering why I'm taking so long on the computer when I was "just going to hop on and do a quick post". I guess I had more randomness stored up than I thought. For more great random posts check out The Un Mom!

Monday's Muse: Ukranian Easter Eggs

My sister and I started a tradition of doing these a few years back. We have no Ukrainian ancestry (that we know of), we just find them to be exceedingly beautiful and a good creative outlet.

Unfortunately these aren't a picture of mine as my camera is not currently working....but you get the idea.

Lists, loves, and reminiscing

The last few days have been heck-tic, but that's fairly usual here. Lately I've been so forgetful. I have lists upon lists scattered throughout my house that I fail to grab, so don't remember to do what's on them. It's rather frustrating. I've been trying to get ready for the weekend as I'll be gone for 12 hours each Saturday and Sunday yet again. Thankfully as I put in my two weeks it's the last time that I will have to do so. I'm a little nervous as my husband is only working a temp job right now. And while I'm doing Pampered Chef work I'm not yet at that point where it's really lucrative yet. I have to build a client base first and that's a way from happening. Not to mention that in a small town like Hutch having one or two other consultants really narrows the field. That's OK. I'll just keep on keeping on as per usual and fake it til I make it. *laughs* Also there was a flier sent out from my daughters school for reading tutors for next year that I'm REALLY interested in. So I have to remember to check into that on Mon. I'll have to add it to the list. *grins*

In other news I was thinking about how I've been so busy trying to figure out how to juggle 2 kids lately and how I feel like I'm constantly not appreciating them. So I'm going to take a minute here and write some things about them that I LOVE and don't want to forget.

My peanut is so beautiful. I love how she makes up songs about EVERYTHING. She is so funny. I love that she makes me have to really think about the answers that I give her. She uses these great big words that sound absolutely adorable coming out of her mouth. She wants so badly to be and adult everything she does is an imitation. The other day she hiked her purse up on her arm and flipped her hair over her shoulder (such a girl) I love her smile and the wild way she flings herself at me to hug me, full on body slam. I love the way her slender arms wrap around me when I carry her in her sleep and the sleepy things she mumbles (last night it was about trampolines!). I always want to remember the way that her eyes light up at a new game and how she thinks that I'm the "best mom ever" because I got her dollar store lip gloss. She is so brilliant. I am amazed listening to her sound out words as SHE now reads our bedtime stories to me. And I think she's the best girl in the world when I here her over the monitor cooing to her baby brother, giving him toys, singing him songs and tickling him to try to cheer him up when he's sad. She's the best 5 year old I know.

Nugget is my sweetest boy. I love how he can be crying but the minute I pick him up he's off like a switch and all smiles. I love his laugh. Sometimes he'll laugh just because his dad or I walk into a room. I love how he's growing so strong. He scoots EVERYWHERE now. And he's so anxious to be a big boy. He watches us all while we eat or do chores like hes storing every move we make for later. I love when he's punch drunk tired and all loopy and giggle-some. He's so sweet when he's cranky and just nuzzles right into my neck or shirt like he can force himself closer to me and that will make it all better. I love when he reaches out with his little baby hand and just strokes my face like he's trying to memorize it. He is obsessed with my phone and wants to grab it every time I use it, so much so that I have it on speaker phone 99% of the time now. I look at him and can't believe how beautiful he is.

I am a very lucky mama to have two such awesome kids.

 Last night I lay in bed reminiscing with  my husband about how we met. Or more what we felt when we first really noticed each other. It was nice to lay there and remember why I fell for the big goon in the first place. Sometimes in the daily grind and the petty arguments I forget that he's one of the sweetest men I've ever met. Sometimes he can be so practical that I want to tear my hair out, but I forget that's why I wanted him in the first place, because I'm not logical and I sometimes need someone to bring me back down to earth. And he makes me laugh, lord does the man make me laugh. And I think that's important, laughter. Being able to laugh not only with each other, but at life and at myself. Also sometimes I forget how supportive he his. There are times when he doesn't act like it, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty he's on my side 100% and I need that. 

I've noticed in my life that I need a whole cheering section just to get things done. It's not that I procrastinate (though I do) and it's not that I don't want to complete tasks, it's just that no matter what, I have this under lying doubt of my own abilities. And if I don't have someone there singing "rah rah rah's" to me I tend to think I'm no good. I didn't used to feel that way so I know it's a total lie but it's one that FEELS true. So something I have to work on.

Well this blog has meandered on longer than I anticipated so I should go get my ass to bed as I have to wake up FAR too early tomorrow. *gah* I can't wait for Monday.

Darn.

I had thought to make this a random thought tuesday blog... but  it is sadly now wednesday and that no longer works. *foo* So  you'll just have to enjoy my randomness now at midnight thirty. So here it goes.

I hate (loath, detest and despise) daylight savings. I think it is useless and pointless and bothersome. It's a sham that has us believing that we have a handle on things like light and time. I'm hear to tell you that that is a crock. I think we should just leave the damn thing alone and at the end of the year it will all work out fine. (and none of this in anyway has to do with the fact that I forgot to change my clocks yet again)

I've been feeling off my game lately. It could do with the time change. OR it could be due to the fact that we've been ill and have spread it around so now I've had my daughter on all the wrong days. Don't get me wrong I LOVE having her. I'm just not used to it on these days so I've been thrown a bit of a curve ball.

In other news I've quit my job. It sucked and I hated it. It was giving me way more stress than I needed and it was leaking all over my family. Not cool. So I'm now free from the world of being an employee and am now just my own boss with Pampered Chef. That thought alone makes me totally jazzed.

I found out recently that my favorite cousin, one of my best friends in the universe is thinking of moving from far away to far far away. And I'm completely sad about it. I mean it doesn't really change anything. We don't get to see each other now. But the idea is there that he's near (ish) and I'm able to visit should I be able. If he moves there's no way short of me becoming an overnight millionaire that I'll see him until he comes home. What a bunch of bunk. But I get why he feels he should and I'd never hold him back. (At least I'd make sure they could never pin it on me *grins*)

I'm so happy that spring appears to be around the corner. It seems like we went from having a shit ton of snow on the ground to none in no time....but my husband says it took a whole month.

oh oh I forgot to share the joy of joys, rapture of raptures. The squirrel that has been invading my house has been captured and sent on it's little tree rat way. Thank god for live traps. It left a parting gift of poo on my van floor. But ding dong the squirrel is gone! whooot!

I never intended to be up this late posting, but I did that thing were I stayed up to spend time with my husband last night and so when I put the kids to bed tonight I passed out with them for an impromptu nap. So here I am wide awake and sharing  my thoughts with the void that is the internet.

Alas my son has awoken and wants me to feed him or something, so I should get on that. I hope that this has been an enlivening bit of random for you and that your wednesday is great.

Manday's Muse

I absolutely love this show (Glee), and this singer (Mark Salling). It makes me miss my days in arts school.

And on the seventh day.......

Today's been so nice. I got to sleep in a little, then got up to care for the kids. Peanut and I did a great art project and she showed me how great she can do when she actually takes the time to do things carefully. She's in such a rush for everything. She desperately wants to be a grown up and do all the things that we do. And it drives me crazy trying to explain to her that she needs to wait, that it's good to be a kid and just hang out and have fun. But I digress.

So after time together I decided that it was time to clean the house as it was falling to disrepair again. As I went to make my bed I tripped and caught my pinky toe ripping the pad off the bottom of it. OWWWWWW! I bled everywhere, so more clean up for me. Three band-aids later I resumed my cleaning. At noon we had friends come over and so started a really fun day.

My husband and I did the last touches on cleaning the kitchen as our guests chatted. Then he, our friends AND my Peanut went out to get lunch and dinner supplies. Bliss! Alone in the house with just Nugget and he was sleeping! ahh sweet quite time. I spent it puttering, but man it was great. It was sooo nice out that I went around the house opening all the windows to let in the fresh air.

I can't believe the amount of snow melt in the last week. The ground is suddenly showing and my bulbs are pushing through under my windows. I'm so excited for spring I hardly dare to wish as I might curse our good luck.

Anyway, they all came back with oddles of food, and I got to cooking. I LOVE it when my house is full of people and I have noise and company. It doesn't happen enough. We had a lunch of pizza followed by brownies that my girl and I whipped up and baked in my pampered chef stoneware. I hadn't done brownies in them before and they turned out SOOO absolutely delicious. Soft and warm and wonderfully chocolatey. 

We played card games, chatted about inane things and shared in-jokes. Peanut was a great girl, she even joined in in a game or two. 

I think the only tough part of the day was when we had to do the kids bath times. In our house we have a very small water heater. So after my husband and I showering for the day and doing a load of laundry we were on cold for the rest of the day. To get the kids clean we handled it old school and boiled huge pots of water on the stove, then poured them into the bath and let them cool. Peanut thought it was so funny and strange, but she loved the warm water. 

Dinner prep was a group affair and we made a huge meal. Hamburgers, salad, cheesy scalloped potatos from scratch, and creamy fruit salad with homemade whipped cream. It was delicious and we had more than we could ever handle. 

After dinner it was bedtime for the kids. And I'm afraid that I fell asleep with them, but it was nice to wake up and have my honey and our very good friend ensconced on the couch watching a movie. 

And now at the end of the day all I'm felling is relaxed and happy. For the first time in a very long time.

And the beat goes on...

I know I know. It has been almost a week since I wrote a blog... but I've got a very good reason. This last week my house hosted the plague (or at least a stomach flu doing it's best to compeate with one).

It started innocently enough, CT called me on Mon to say that my Peanut was sick and could I visit cuz she wanted mommy for a bit (nice thing about small towns #116). So I hop in the car and go over for a evening visit hauling Nugget along. Once there I'm invited to have dinner as well. As I'm never one to turn down free food, I stay. We convince my sweet sweet Peanut to have some bites of bland baked potato, as nothing (not even water) has managed to stay in her stomach all day. BAD IDEA. 30 min later as I'm gently hugging her good bye my poor girl gets ill all over me.

After cleaning her, soothing her, and hugging her yet again I head home in my borrowed shirt and take my second shower of the day. I then feed and snuggle my Nugget to bed and tuck him in his crib. Puttering about I spend time with my husband until he has to go to work. Just as the lovely man is walking out the door I hear the unmistakeable sound of my baby boy being ill, his nuk flying from his mouth to clatter to the floor. I rush in to swoop him up only to have him be sick all over me. Striping him down I plunk he and I in a bath (me still in my jammies no less). Once we're ALL clean I bring him to bed with me so I can monitor him.

At 4am I wake up with that queasy feeling..... I won't go into the gory details, but it wasn't pleasant and it wasn't pretty. I spent Tues and Weds literally crawling from my bed to the bathroom pushing a bowl in front of me just in case.

And because the husband came home that morning sick too, guess who called her daddy to come and take care of the family. That's right, it was me. I don't think I've ever felt that ill in my life. It made me miss my mama even more.

Thursday was spent attempting to rediscover the house and Friday I went for a much needed visit to my oldest sister. She gave me sage advice, fed me fudge striped cookies, and in general reminded me that life is never as bad as you think it is.

Today I spent even more time on chores (because I discovered I had no clean clothes....everyone else did, just not me), filled my cupboards, visited my dad (had to make sure the plague had skipped him), held my first solo Pampered Chef show (yeah me!), and made my very first resume. Not a bad day if I do say so myself.

FYI the squirrel is STILL in my basement! I don't think the live trap will ever work. I'm going to end up with squirrel grand babies in my walls.

Woo Hoos and Dear Lords

I have been given the advice by many that perhaps I am trying to take on too much too fast. And that I need to take things one day at a time. So in the spirit of trying to be more intelligent I'm just going to do my best. I'm going to try to do what I can each day and be grateful for it. And maybe even alternate some goals or something to make stuff easier. So here's a big Woo Hoo to me for getting 2 goals done today!

I don't really have much to write as I was at work today. But I'm happy to be home. Happy to see my sweet baby boy. Missing my sweet and sassy girl. And currently listening to my sister on the phone watch Alice from Sci Fi Channel (I refuse to spell it the new illiterate way). It's so funny to hear her quote "crazy as a box of frogs" over and over.

On a small side bar I have really been loving Sci Fi's remakes of old classics like The Wizard of Oz as Tin Man and Alice in Wonderland as Alice. I think they have done a great job twisting them on their ear and making them new again. P.s. Hatter in Alice in the BEST thing since ever. LOOVVE him.  He is sooo Tasty!

In another side bar I really want to see the new Alice in Wonderland out in theaters. So I'm thinking of convincing my husband into taking me out for a date. Speaking of him I should go pay attention to him as I promised to play a board game with him, and we invited a friend over to do so.

In conclusion in looking on-line it was discovered that squirrels tend to come into warm houses in the winter when they are looking for a place to have babies!!!!

Dear lord help me now. No naked tree rats!

MUST. GET. SQUIRREL. TRAP.

All work and no play makes Elle very tired.

I went to work today and did a 12 hour shift as per usual. I hate the fact that while I'm gone my kids lives go on...I know that sounds selfish or odd. I just hate being gone and not knowing if they are hungry or lonely or missing me. Or hell just happy and playful. I hate missing out on moments of their lives. Time goes too quickly. You blink and years pass. Over night your kids go from sweet quite babies to loud crazy children that you can't even believe you love as much as you do. Because the love grows Exponentially. You have them and you think that your heart is just overflowing with love. But then each day you love them more and more. And the worst part is the more they grow, the more you love them, and the more you have to let them go. From the minute they are born we are giving them up bit by bit as they become more independent. At the moment however, my son needs me. So I'll close with two things.

1. I did 2 goals today (exercise and blogging) yeah me.

2. There is a squirrel in my basement....no I'm not kidding.

Goodnight.

I Get an F

Yesterday I accomplished not one of my goals. Not even close. Nope didn't happen. The day just seemed to disappear on me. And the worst part is that if I had been on top of my game I would have made them happen. But as usual I was a scatter brained moppet and things just fell to bits.

For instance, yesterday I went out for a meal and a bitch fest with my Ex's mom. She's the best ever. I love her to bits. So I get to Applebee's and seated right behind us are a bevy of the women that I used to have LPN classes with. A perfect opportunity to meet my goal of 3 PC contacts. But I say nothing, just smile politely and don't intrude on their conversation. (mostly because I felt intimidated be them because they had gone on in the course so must be smarter than me....) So missed goal #1. Also the waitress was supper nice and talkative, missed opportunity #2. I got home from my luncheon about an hour before having to get my daughter from school. Instead of exercising I puttered on the computer setting up my digital picture frame (that has admittedly been sitting vacant since Christmas, but still). So there goes my exercise time. Home with the kidlets they proceed to drive me too distraction so that by bed time I'm so exhausted I decide to crash right after they are asleep. There by not doing my blog, my hour of Pampered Chef work, OR my hour of story writing. Suck Suck Suck. To top it off my husband curled up next to me and woke late for his midnight shift. Not that it's my fault, just an added twist to the suckdom.

Today wasn't much better. I woke to my son crying to be fed, which woke my daughter (as they share a room) and started my day then and there at 7am. I foolishly had them pile into bed with me thinking to gain more shut eye. But it just resulted in squirming baby's, no sleep for any and a frustrated mama. At 8am my husband came home for a quick change so that he could scoot to an interview. He wanted to wear a his suit (the one that we bought for our wedding that at the time he said "Why do I have to buy a suit, when am I ever going to need it again?" to which I'd replied "Well maybe an interview". He scoffed at me....Well who's scoffing now smartty pants! Sometimes it's difficult to be right all the time *grins*.)

My lovely daughter seeing how nice he looked decided that it was fancy day and put on an Easter dress that my mom bought her last year. (It's getting tight and it's killing me that my kids are growing out of the last things that we got from her). So deciding that it would be fun to play along I got fancy too. This took much longer than I intended as I don't often get fancy anymore, so my skills are rusty. Once we (the kids and I) were all dressed for the day, I herded us out the door so I could drop the kids at a friend, run get the ex, and go to my Peanut's school conferences. They went well and I was chatting companionably with the ex. when work called. My boss proceeded to chew me out for minor infractions (being 5 minutes late my last shift when I haven't been late in almost 4 months or more) and the like. After getting off the phone with her feeling surprised and hurt. I tried to keep my cool and then burst into tears. 

The poor ex. (We can't keep calling him that, hum let me think....CT, yeah that's it.) Poor CT tried to console me and then get out of the car as quickly as possible. (He is SUCH a guy). I then called my sister Nan to try to chill out. She helped talk me down despite the sleep cloaking her voice.

Finally back at my friends I reoriented to attempt a better day. She and I had a nice lunch with the kids, And then went our separate ways to do errands. I was so addled by the days events that I forgot diapers... I mean really I work two 12 hours this weekend and we've got only 10 left at home...I officially need a new brain. 

At home the kids pulled the ol' on and off game. You know the one. It's where if one was quiet and happy the other was whining or crying. At 5pm I lost it at both of them. My husband woke from his slumber and came to intervene. I hollered at him, He hollered at me, I burst into tears again...WTF. He took over dinner while I attempted to take a five minute break. (Peanut wouldn't let me...she even followed me into the bathroom...I had to lock her out, I mean really I don't know how to make her understand boundries). Anyway after that things went a little better. 

But now it's 9pm, I have to go shopping for diapers, and other than this post I've failed my goals yet again today....Perhaps I'll try to fit in some PC work, But I don't know, I'm feeling a little physically and emotionally worn. TTFN.

Wild Angry Storytime

So today has been a hard day for a number of reasons. In my house we don't have manic Mondays, we have wild Wednesdays. Wednesday is transition day. I get my Peanut back at 8:30 am. This typically means that I role out of bed, put on whatever I was wearing the day before, and hop in the freezing car. Once home the insanity begins. She wants me to pay attention only to her. I can't do a chore with out her tagging along. When I'm sitting she wants to be in my lap, and so on and so forth. Now this wouldn't be so much of a problem, if it wasn't for the fact that I have my (almost) 8 month old Nugget who needs much of my time and attention and is also in my lap constantly. Today the eruption was sneaky. We had been having a good day: pic-nic in the kitchen, leggos in the kids room, color wonders at the table. But shortly after gingerly placing my son down in his crib for a nap, I did the unthinkable (this is the sarcastic part folks), I told her NO she could not play her DS. I wanted her to do something more active. Suddenly the flood gates opened, the world ended, it rained brimstone and fire, and a tornado was in the spot my beautiful child had been. The screams of his over tired sister roused my son and soon the house was filled with the symphony of children's wails. Ah glorious Wednesday you aren't complete without me wanting to bash my head against a wall.

As if this wasn't enough for my day, I was ambushed by my Husband. He became irritated at the fact that I needed his assistance with a bill that involved my daughter. Instead of talking it out with me and discussing what was bothering him. He chose to call my ex an make a meeting. One that he told me was going to be about getting her dad to help with the bills, but instead turned in to a lecture on how I was spending money on a luxury and how I needed to consult with them before making these kinds of decisions. (Which I had, but since men have the memory of a f-ing gold fish, and I hadn't told them 80000 times, I of course had never talked to them about it.) I could go into more detail but I'm not going to Husband or Ex bash on my blogs. It's just enough to say that it made me VERY angry and I did not put up with it. Because I do not spend money Willy-Nilly, I never have. And I won't be treated like a kept wife when I pull my weight and then some. Sometimes I'd just like to scream at them until the windows crack and fall in. 

 

Instead I called my sister and in a 5 minute rant tried to blow off all the steam before I ended up using my Pampered Chef knives for something they were never intended for. And just for the icing on the cake, this meeting was called today at dinner, bath, and bed time. Oh yeah I was really happy about that. *arrgghhss* OK I think I'm done with it now...maybe. 

Anyway after the kids were in bed and the Ex went back to his place I sat down with my Husband and let him know that his tactics were NOT appreciated, and that he was supposed to be on MY team, remember? He didn't admit fault but he didn't deny it either. I think a big part of our problems right now stem from lack of communication. It's not an excuse, just an hard reminder that we need to do better. 

On a totally different note I managed to take a shower, eat three full meals and meet most of my goals today without killing anyone (This is where you applaud). In taking Peanut to her dance class I made my three contacts. While she was at dance I rushed home to get in 20 min of exercise. Not the 30 I want but way better than nothing. After the kids were asleep I hopped onto a conference call for Pampered Chef for an hour to learn more about expanding my business. When That was done I did an hour of story work. I've only got 2 pages rewritten and edited, and I didn't want to stop, but it's two more than I had done. And now I've almost finished my blog. I have to say, with the day I had, I'm REALLY proud of me. 

In closing, I'll leave you with an excerpt from my book:

"Sometimes my whole family treats me like I'm dumb. Speaking of dumb, my mom did the lamest thing EVER the other day. She actually divided mine and my sister's room with tape. Can you believe it, TAPE! Who does that?! And all over a little fight with my sister about me taking her stuff without her permission. As if I want her junk. And I didn't bite her that hard. She didn't even bleed. Now if I want to leave the room I have to ask. What a pain! But that's OK. If she wants to get dressed in the morning she had better be nice to me."

 

Grrr

So I'm off to an inglorious start. In writing this post I have accomplished a whole 2 of my daily goals. I foolishly decided to spend time with my husband watching movies tonight before he goes to work. I had thought to stay up late to get things done. But my son has chosen to take a looooonnnggg nap (i.e. early bedtime). There for meaning that I better get my butt to bed and rest before he wakes up. *feh* On the plus side the one goal I did get done was exercise.I say that's a plus as since my mother's passing I have been saying that I want/need to get in better shape. In the long run I would love to lose weight, however right now I'll just aim for healthy. 

On a side note have you ever noticed how damn peppy the b*^&%es on workout videos are? It's so frustrating. I would like just once for them to look like they are actually "feeling the burn". I mean honestly their sing songy sugar sweet voices chanting "and lift and forward, now lift and back" while I pant like I just ran a mile makes me want to barf. And they look so damn happy about spending an hour rolling around on the floor to do their reaching and stretching. I'd like to see them look so glad to do it in my house where animals and kids have done god knows what to the carpet instead of in their pristine studios. But I digress. 

Tomorrow I get my daughter back so lord only knows if I will manage my goals then either, but I'm going to keep plugging away and one day soon I'll actually have a semblance of a schedule again....maybe. Ttfn.

Ooo Ah Just a little bit

I thought that I would take the time while my son is napping to write a more in depth post. I've done blogs on facebook and myspace, but this is the first one that's dedicated to me. So I thought that I would start by saying a little bit about me. As I wrote earlier my older sister is the one that made me start this. I held off for as long as I could as I don't really feel that I have the time for something like this. However my sister won out so here I am.

Now a little about me: I'm now *gasps* 28 years old, and the mother of 2. My first is my sweet and sassy 5 year old girl, Peanut, and my second is my beautiful 7 1/2 month old boy, Nugget. (No those are not their real names but I'm a bit paranoid so it'll have to do for now *grins*) My daughter has a different father than my son, but thankfully he and I (mostly- and I stress that word) get along. I'm married and live in a cozy 2 bedroom home in a small town that some would call "quaint" but to me it's home. Within the confines of our house reside myself, my husband, my 2 children, a cat called Mischief, a goldfish, 2 hermit crabs, and a partridge in a pear tree.

I currently work as a PCA (personal care assistant) in a great group home. I actually have my LPN degree but I haven't had luck finding a job that is flexable enough to work with my husband's swing shift schedule. So as a stop gap I've started selling pampered chef products. I'm excited about it but nervous as well. As I feel like I have no handle at all on life right now.

I've been trying to get my footing ever since I had my son this summer. A month later I felt I was starting to get things under control when my mom suddenly passed away and threw mine and my sisters lives into turmoil. It's been 6 months and I still feel lost without her. But as life goes on I've been slowly trying to rebuild my handle on things.

So to start off my blog I've decided to set some goals that I can post about in the future.

1. Make 3 Pampered Chef work contacts a day
2. Do 1 Hour of Pampered Chef training a day
3. Do 1 Hour of NaNoWriMo story work a day
4. Do 1 blog per day
5. Exercise 1/2 hour a day
6. Do one scrapbook page a day

That's about 4 hours of time that I need to parcel out to myself a day. I'm not sure that I can do it with the 2 kids, husband, etc. But I'm going to do my very best (starting tomorrow). Hope you're here to keep me on task.

Testing, testing , one, two, three

My sister convinced me that I needed a blog...just one more thing to add to my already hecktic life. But as per usual I'll do as she nags and I'm sure (as per usual) enjoy every minute of it. This is a test to determine if my page is working the way I want and all that jazz. So forgive me if it's not more involved.